The Employment Line

It was not my favorite part of being a supervisor to hire and fire people, but I hadda do what I hadda do. In fact, I was once transferred to a better slot because I knew how to get rid of people who refused to work and at least stay around for an entire shift.

Interviews...I could tell you a million stories...the guy who showed up late wearing a torn shirt and said his main weakness was punctuality...the one who explained a nine-month gap in his employment history by saying "I was working for Hechinger's and the boss asked me to do something, but I was on my lunch hour, and I don't play that s@&t!"...

...the many others who cursed, spoke disrespectfully about everything and everyone...the ones with all sorts of conditions ("I don't work nights, weekends, holidays, or snow days"), the one who put his feet on my desk in mid-interview (I can still see the soles of his Nikes in my mind's eye)  and the ones who claimed technical expertise or experience they clearly lacked ("You worked for Permits And Licenses?" "Yes, I worked for both of them." "They are the same agency." "Not when I worked there." "When was this?" "Oh, it's been YEARS and YEARS.")

But the clear topper of them all was the dude who sat down while telling me he knew he was getting hired because his mother told him so. I just had to know more and so I asked who his mother was. She was a County employee, not in any position of influence over anything at all, but she had told Sonny Boy that the fix was in, and all he had to do was show up and get put on the payroll. I started to think it was some sort of Candid Camera stunt. He mumbled half-answers to whole questions, he had no idea about what the job entailed, and he had no experience, as I recall, beyond being the cart guy at Food-A-Rama or some such. He really acted like he had left his bowl of Crispy Critters at home and wanted to get back to finish breakfast before it got all soggy.

Sure as you're born, his mother was on the phone the next day to wrap up the details and find out when he would be up for Employee Of The Year. She asked me straight up, was he hired? I told her that was privileged information between the applicant and the Office of Personnel.

Her reply? "But I'm his MOTHER!"

I still wonder if he ever got a job anywhere. 

Parents, do your children a favor and let them handle their own lives at work. I counselled a young woman for repeated lateness reporting to work, and her mother called to complain about it!

I wonder where she wound up, as well.