Sunday Rerun: Tales of Brave Ulysses

 President Ulysses S. Grant was still in office when he got in trouble with the law. 

Now, Ulysses was a war hero, having been the leader of the Union troops in the American Civil War (1861 - 1865) who sent the Confederate running home, no longer able to own other human beings. (They're still mad about it.)

Grant was a brilliant military tactician, outfoxing Confederate General Robert E. Lee time after time, but he did like to hit the sauce now and then.

And then, he would get behind the reins of his horse and buggy and haul ass around the streets of Washington. It was on M Street, to be precise, where Grant was stopped several times in 1872 by Officer William H. West. West, a formerly enslaved person, was one of two Black police officers on the DC force at the time when he saw Grant speeding around. 

The first time, West allowed Grant to pay a fine and walk home to the White House, but the very next day, West (like Grant, a Civil War veteran) caught the president breaking the law again and took action.

"I am very sorry, Mr. President, to have to do it, for you are the chief of the nation and I am nothing but a policeman, but duty is duty, sir, and I will have to place you under arrest," West said, according to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund. 

Grant was released on $20 bond ($430 in 2023 money). 

The Washington Evening Star newspaper wrote about the arrest in 1908. West retired in 1901 and lived another 14 years, telling the Star, "The General's Love for Horses and His Pleasure in Driving Were the Cause of His Trouble."

Things change, but not too much.

The Saturday Picture Show, June 20, 2026

 

So the rumors are true! People have been talking about it and now the confirmation: Eastpoint Mall, on Baltimore County's east side, is closing in August, the latest victim of Amazon, big box stores, and people's reluctance at being in an enclosed area with gun-carrying lunatics. There was a time you could hardly park a car anywhere on that lot, and the crowds were happy, buying tank tops and Nikes and books and candy and I don't know what-all else, but you can get all that delivered right to your house now. Who knows what will end up in the mall space? They're closing all over the country.

Ralph, on the left, is often stopped and told he looks a lot like someone. That someone is his eleventh cousin, our sixteenth president, Honest Abe Lincoln.

I'm not going in those woods! It's all full of beetles and stuff.

Don't go to Paris and try to rip off a croissant, buddy. The vaunted Roller Brigade will skate you down, eh?

Here is this week's free wallpaper. It reminds of the farmhouse from the vision test at My Eye Doctor.

You get one shot at having your customer ID card made at Costco. If you sneeze, too bad.

I don't even know if Ball's Gro. is still open. I wouldn't shop there on a windy day for fear of getting hit by a flying Pepsi sign. The whole place puts me in mind of the grocery store holdup in "My Cousin Vinny."

To be really accurate, one of these Beetles should have no tires on.

I can't figure out why "Pride Month" gets so many people upset. Any time it's mentioned on Facebook or anywhere else, the uptight brigade hitches up their suspenders and takes to the keyboard. Settle down, Archie. It's almost July. 

This is diner food deluxe! Chicken-fried steak and gravy, mashed potatoes with more gravy, and a fruit salad. Toss a little pepper on that and slide it down my way, please!

Today is Friday, June 19: Juneteenth 2026, The is the sixth anniversary of the Juneteenth federal holiday. It marks the day in 1865 when enslaved people in Galveston, Texas, were officially informed of their emancipation - yes, more than two years after President Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation.

It's hard to imagine anything worse than being held in slavery. But being freed and not being told about it for two years...

Today is a paid federal holiday. Most government offices, banks, libraries, and post offices will be closed. Nationwide, more than 30 states recognize Juneteenth as a legal state holiday. In our state and around our area, organizations are heralding the day with festivals, concerts, educational programs, family activities, and community celebrations.

In Baltimore County, from 3 til 8 pm today, there will be a free and vibrant community celebration at the Benjamin Banneker Historical Park and Museum, 300 Oella Avenue Catonsville, Maryland 21228.

And Baltimore's 50th Annual AFRAM Festival takes place over three days during Juneteenth weekend: today through Sunday, June 21, 2026.  The free, family-friendly event is held at Druid Hill Park. Festival hours:

Friday, June 19: 3:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Saturday, June 20: 12:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Sunday, June 21: 12:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. 

more info: aframbaltimore.com

However, wherever you celebrate human freedom and dignity, please be safe!

Why I love history, reason # 182,930

One of the gags I have repeated is the one about the guy who lost his job at the fire hydrant factory because he could never find a place to park.

That's a joke, but this is true. In 1836, there was a fire at the Blodget Hotel Bldg in Washington, D.C. That December 15 blaze marked the first of two major fires the U.S. Patent Office has dealt with over the years. The patent office had its offices in the hotel, and thousands of documents made ashes of themselves.

The Blodget Hotel

AND...the original US patent paperwork for early fire hydrants was destroyed in that fire, so think of it - the paperwork for one of our most useful firefighting innovations was destroyed in a fire!

 A little something else - remember how the British burned down a lot of buildings in the War of 1812? Someone was able to talk them out of burning down that hotel. Then in 1820, a slate roof was added to the hotel, and a fire engine was purchased to protect the building. Fire engines in those days were not like how we picture them today; they were hand or horse-drawn and relied on humans to pump the water. 

But the local volunteer fire company stationed at the hotel lost interest in firefighting when all this fire-prevention techniques were added. The engine was moved down the street, but no one wanted to volunteer, so when the fire broke out in the Patent Office, no manpower showed up to extinguish it.

One more hoary old punchline: "If we had ham, we could have had ham and eggs, if we had eggs."

One-Two-Three-Four!

People are often amazed that I remember when The Beatles came to save America from the post-Kennedy assassination blues/post-Eisenhower lethargy. 

But that was 1964, when they were young, cheeky blokes from Liverpool, Now, as the years have rolled by, we've lost John Lennon (standard American gun murder) and George Harrison (cancer).  That leaves Paul McCartney (83) and Ringo Starr (85) and, let's face it, they're not getting any younger. 

There is always talk of a Beatles tontine, and no, that's not an Italian dessert. A tontine is an arrangement in which members of a group pool money, and the last survivor collects the whole pot. I don't guess that either Paul or Ringo need money.

I'm not inclined to wager, so I wouldn't bet a nickel on which of the Fab Two would be around to cash in all the chips. There's no indication that a tontine exists between them. However, since Americans are willing to bet on anything, such as the exact temperature reading at the kickoff of Super Bowl, so I have to figure there is money on the "who's next - who's last?" topic in the Las Vegas betting books.

I have my hunch. Not to be morbid, but what do you think? 

  

Got a light?

First of the season! I saw a couple of lightning bugs (AKA fireflies, or the popular Baltimore variation "Lightening" bugs) when I was hauling the garbage out last night. Cute little girls and guys, they are, and they use bioluminescence to light up. And they're out in summer, but they don't get overheated, because they use 99% of their energy to produce light, rather than heat. They carry around a supply of a compound called luciferin (note the root word "Lucifer"!) and mix that with an enzyme called luciferase, and presto: Light!

They only live for a couple of weeks, so they get right down to business, which in their cases is the old mating game. And there are lots of species of lightning bugs, each with its own unique flash pattern and flight path. This is how they make sure they are signaling the right kind of potential mate with their on-off lights. 

And they spend up to two years as larvae, living in leaf litter and happily gobbling snails, slugs, and worms, before they get to spread their wings and live it up!

And while the common lore around here in the east is that the western part of the USA does not play host to lightning bugs, the fact is, western fireflies do exist- but nature did not equip them with the chemicals that would make them glow. So they are out there zipping around, but they don't light up.

The more you know about fireflies, the more you start to realize that maybe nature is trying to tell humans to use more of their energy to produce more light and less heat. Hmmm.

A little ruff on the soccer field

 They're getting ready to have soccer games in Canada as part of the World Cup, featuring humans from Canada and nations all over the globe.  And geese from Canada. They fly overhead and might even land on the field (the "pitch," as soccer fans call it) and however they travel, they are bound to leave their little ...biscuits behind.

That's no way to play important games of soccer ("football," as soccer fans call it), having to dodge geese droppings. 

Canadians being infinitely resourceful (they found a way to make Geddy Lee and Rush famous), the grounds crew at a  World Cup practice pitch in Etobicoke’s Centennial Park found a way to keep the field unpoopulated.

They use dogs, working canines employed by Border Control Bird Dogs, out of  Sterling, Ontario.

Soccer dog "Ben" reporting for duty

This is Gareth Williams's business. He has taught the hounds to "haze" the geese, instead of chasing them. Williams says this “reeducates” the birds. By convincing the geese that there are predators in the area, this keeps them away, so it's considered a humane way of keeping birds off grassy areas.

“The dogs crouch down and stalk the geese, as they would traditionally for sheep and moving livestock,” Williams told CTV News Toronto. “Geese then start thinking the border collies are predators in that area, and it encourages them to leave.”

Williams has a five-dog squad that he dispatches around the province, at golf courses, schools, cemeteries, and any other type of large, open green space. The premise is that "they’re fighting nature with nature, ” as he puts it.

Down here in the states, we would just send hoodlum dogs to tell the geese to "get outta town if you know what's good for you, see?" They're more restrained north of the border!