McWreck

You know, they say the French are the greatest gastronomes among us. They love their chow, and they are proud of the way they cook it, even though it's all glopped up in goo that leaves no room for hot sauce.

But even the French are subject to the laws, both of traffic and of physics, which brings us to the case of a French guy who was tying on the old McDonald's feedbag last week in Sydney,  Australia, and paying more attention to the food in his bag than to the fountain he ran into down under.

"Strangely, he was still eating Macca's there", said Police Inspector Anderson Lessing. The article I read did not specify whether the unnamed man, 21, was charged with culinary crimes or just with traffic offenses. He reversed an SUV into the Archibald Fountain in downtown Sydney's Hyde Park in the early hours of Wednesday morning, and the sad results of the driving mishap are to be seen below.

"Half of it was sticking inside, and half it was sticking out, with the driver still inside," Lessing told local radio station 702 ABC Sydney. I suppose he meant half of the car.

The man was uninjured, except for whatever pride he had before he drove off. Police refused to say what he was delivering.

 

 

Jeeves whiz

Jeeves, I am sorry, we forgot about you, and now you are gone!

Back in the wacky 90s, when we wanted to find out the capital of Brazil, or when the next Die Hard movie was coming out, or how many cups of sugar to add to a recipe, we hooked up the computer and Asked Jeeves, the online butler and keeper of all information.

Jeeves, and his home, Ask.com, are now shuttered forever. Things come and go in the world of commerce, and to be honest, most of us forgot ever going to Jeeves, since Google, and to a lesser degree, Yahoo, came along.

“To you — the millions of users who turned to us for answers in a rapidly changing world — thank you for your endless curiosity, your loyalty, and your trust,” the company said in a notice posted on its now-defunct website.

Remember him?

It was 1996 when the screens first lit up with a character that could help us find answers. Jeeves was a character in a series of books by P. G. Wodehouse. David Warthen and Garrett Gruener were a couple of early-PC days smart guys. They saw a need for what came to be called a "search engine," and they developed Jeeves for us.

I think I can remember switching over to Google because it felt like giving up the toy tools we all had to fix things - wee screwdrivers, tiny tack hammers - for real professional gear.  Google does us fine, but I am sitting here wondering if Jeeves's feelings were hurt when we abandoned him....

 

 

  

Take a liter from me, Peter

People ask why I love to donate blood to the Red Cross. I am now in the 13-Gallon Club, although I can never find out when they meet. I've not been invited.

But I enjoy giving when I can, and I can always make more blood. The people who need it in hospital or hospice, cannot. So that's the main reason. It used to get me out of work, and now it just means I don't get to watch Nicolle Wallace at 4 one afternoon every 8 weeks. The free cookies are nice, too. I guess the Red Cross had some sort of falling out with Famous Amos and Mrs Fields; we don't see their treats anymore at the canteen, so but there are always Lorna Doones. 

Having a nice conversation with the staff and the other donors is always fun. I call it "Phun With a Phlebotomist."

My secret is that I always go on Tuesdays and stop at Jersey Mike's for a submarine which is only a little smaller than the submarines prowling the ocean floor for the Navy. Tuesday is Double Points day at JM's, so I get enough customer points to walk out with a free sub like every 6 visits, and you know there is no greater thrill for a freeloader such as I than to walk out with free chow in my bag!

One last thing - the Red Cross sends a little message a few weeks after your donation, such as...

 Thank you for giving blood with the American Red Cross on April 21, 2026. Your blood donation was sent to George Washington University Hospital in Washington, DC to help a patient in need. Your donation is on its way to change lives!

I wish there could be a way to find out who got my blood at GWH! Imagine calling them and asking if they feel funnier and happier with a half pint of my A+ coursing through their veins!

They'd probably think it was a joke. 

Sunday Rerun: Sports Names

 

Someone reminded us that the Baltimore Ravens played their final home game at good old Memorial Stadium in midtown Baltimore on December 14, 1997 before moving to their undomed palace downtown. Their opponent that day? The Tennessee Oilers, formerly the Houston Oilers, who had decamped from Space City just that season. They were supposed to be based in Nashville, but only two college stadiums were available in Opryville. One was too big and one was too small. But the one that was just right was in Memphis, over 200 miles away. They made that their home for two seasons.

In a bizarre twist, the Edmonton Oilers hockey team almost moved to Houston in 1998 before the city of Edmonton came up with the money to keep them home, which spared Houston the pain that people feel when they see their ex marry someone else with their name!

If you think that didn't make sense, how about them keeping the name "Oilers, " in a state whose one refinery accounts for a whopping 1% of US oil production? Later on, when a stadium was built in Nashville, they changed their name to the Titans, a nod to the titans of country music who add so much to our culture.

This was not the only example of a sports team relocating and keeping a wholly inappropriate nickname. The New Orleans Jazz basketball team moved to Utah and should have left the Jazz behind. The Minneapolis Lakers moved away from the Land Of 10,000 Lakes (actually, there are 11, 842, but who's counting?) to Los Angeles, California, a city of 22 lakes and one tar pit.

The Brooklyn Dodgers baseball team, named for the nimble way Brooklyn residents had to duck and dive to avoid being hit by trolley cars, moved in 1958 to Los Angeles, which for years had electric streetcars. These had replaced horse-drawn trolleys, and those horses really gave pedestrians something to dodge!

The Saturday Picture Show, June 6, 2026

Nothing says lovin' like ...

Hey now! Here's a three-hour happy hour! Let's get real happy!

I'm sort of on the list this year, along with a lot of my favorites: Arthur Spooner, Bertha Butt, Dolly Parton, Kyle Bradish, my grandmother, Omar The Tentmaker, and Wilford Brimley, the leading man in so many Quaker Oats commercials. I hope we don't get very far down the list, though.

No one seems to like dandelions, but bees and butterflies love them for bringing
an early nectar source in springtime, and their deep roots tap deeply into the ground,
,naturally aerating your lawn.

You know that package of oyster crackers you have going stale in the cupboard?
This critter here would love to have them!

Imagine being on the crew building the dome over the Rotunda in Washington! It was completed in 1866, during the Civil War. The workpersonship!

Speaking of which, here's a handyperson special, as the real estate ads love to say. "Just a few weekends and some trips to Lowe's, and your house will be your pride and joy."

Everyone who's been to Italy comes back raving about the friendly people and the fine food and beverages. It looks a tad bit crowded for me...

Did one of your parents sit you down for a talk about the birds and the bees? I explained everything as patiently as I could to Dad, but he still had questions.

On this day, June 6, 1944, Western Allies invaded Normandy by sea, air, and land, to liberate Western Europe from the Nazi occupation. World War II ended just over a year later, but not without tremendous losses of soldiers and sailors and Air Corpsmen and Marines. I can't imagine the fear and trepidation these men felt as they prepared to parachute into the invasion.

 

...but you can't tuna fish

Breaking news: Dateline Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, where an armed man has been charged with pointing and presenting a firearm at a person.

Someone else was heating up a fish dinner at the workplace microwave, and you know what kind of unpleasant miasma can result from that. So Michael DeBiase, 46, pulled out a handgun and brandished it toward the person operating the micronuke.

I skipped over the part that would have told you that DeBiase's work title is Police Detective. 

He's facing felony charges, has been arrested and terminated from his job. He's due back in court on August 14 and has made no public statement at this time, but hey! He's got most of the summer off now, and he lives in a resort town, so hit the beach, Barney!

Seriously. The Myrtle Beach Police did the right thing. In days gone by, this would have been swept under the rug, but it's different now.  As they said in a statement to the press and public, "This incident does not reflect the values demonstrated by the men and women of the Myrtle Beach Police Department every day. However, it does demonstrate our commitment to accountability and our willingness to address conduct that falls short of our expectations.”

One has to assume that DiBiase does not possess the right temperament to do his job. But maybe with counseling, he can find work in the field of pre-owned automotive sales.

Or maybe there's a Red Lobster or Bonefish Grill down there hiring.

 

Every year

 Of all the things that are predictable every June (it's too hot, it's too cold, people need an extra ticket for a high school graduation, there are kids playing outside, "there are kids playing outside and they should be in school!") one of the most nonsensical is the animosity directed at Pride Month.

Every year! I don't know if it's the same people every year, but it's always the same complaints! "How come they get a whole month to celebrate? I was in the (Army, Navy,  Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard) and we don't get a whole month!"

Or "Turn your back on sin and repent, lest ye be condemned to a fiery hell!"

And the usual chorus of homophobia. 

It goes on and on and on, but why? 

Please tell me what difference it makes in your life if two people are in love. The older I get (and I'm getting older every day, same as you) the less I care about who does what with whom, as long as they don't wake me up, set fire to my house, or steal my money.

It happens every year, and I keep hoping that people will grow up and find something else about which to natter on. It won't happen, but we can hope!