"Mahomes, party of two"

What was rumored since last summer is happening - your English teacher is marrying your gym teacher: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are going to tie the knot!

With my luck, our invitation will arrive next week. Our mail is notoriously slow and misguided, so if Travis and Taylor sent us a wedding invite, it might not be here in time.

The whole barn dance will take place at the Madison Square Garden up New York Way, apparently on Friday into the yawning on Saturday, and you know the rules are strict for us guests: dress to impress, black tie, no cellphones (they will be confiscated at the door, just like the schools are going to do this year).

I have a black tie left over from my uniform. It's nice, a polyester clip-on, and with a bottle of ReNuzIt, I can probably get most of the stains out in time.

Trav 'n' Tay took out a permit for between 500 - 999 people, and some mighty big names are on the roster: George Kittle, Andy Reid, Graham Norton, Suki Waterhouse*, Ed Sheeran, Zoë Kravitz, Jack Antonoff, and Stevie Nicks.

Kittle told some magazine that Trav laid down the law: absolutely no gifts. You're telling me they don't need a toaster oven or an iron or an Oster Osterizer!? Everybody needs something! Big reader that he probably is, Travis could use a Barnes & Noble gift card, and what bride doesn't want a one-year supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat?

I'll tell you everything, soon as I can!

* Who, now?

We're havin' a heat wave....

It always amazes me when weather events that every Ava, Steve, and Abigail have talked about for days on end take some people by surprise.

"I didn't hear anything about severe thunderstorms/a blizzard/a long intense heat wave!" they holler. They can tell you what happened on "Let's All Eat!" or whatever else they see on the Food Channel, but the weather, nah.

So, just so's you know...there will be a big heat wave for this upcoming Fourth of July weekend in the mid-Atlantic area. Temperatures will be dangerously high, and don't even ask about the humidity!

It's a heat dome - the fancy name for a hot air mass - that's been headed eastward for a week or so. It's traveling eastbound on I-70 and I-81, stopped at Waffle House and Buc-ees, and will be here unpacking its sweaty luggage starting today!

The heat index, driven mad by humidity, might scorch out at 115.

 

 

Read and heed! Take precautions, take ice, take breaks, take off for the beach!

"Tatsu tori ato wo nigosazu."

 "Tatsu tori ato wo nigosazu" is how they say it in Japanese. That's how they say, "Return it the way you find it." 

Literally, it translates to, "A bird leaves nothing behind," which is true unless you've had to visit a dry cleaner after a pigeon flew overhead.

Americans are neat in a lot of ways...we obediently dump our trash in fast food places. But why do we leave public parks and stadiums looking like that space was just declared a landfill? 

There's a nice system of parks here in my beloved Baltimore County, and yet, most every Monday morning, you'll see Facebook posts about how some slobs picnicking at one of them left chicken boxes and burger wrappers and soda cups and I don't know what-all else on the ground, tables, and parking lot when they left.

So how come Japanese soccer fans clean up everything when their games are over? It happens after every match, and here is how Scott North, professor of sociology at Osaka University, explains it: "Cleaning up after football matches is an extension of basic behaviours that are taught in school, where the children clean their school classrooms and hallways.

"With constant reminders throughout childhood, these behaviours become habits for much of the population."

He added: "In addition to their heightened consciousness of the need to be clean and to recycle, cleaning up at events like the World Cup is a way Japanese fans demonstrate pride in their way of life."

As a longtime sufferer of SIN (soccer-induced narcolepsy) I would be inclined to help them, even before the game ended. 

You have a meeting with the Bobs

 Female plebes (first-year students) at the United States Naval Academy must now have their hair cut to chin length.

Women arriving at USNA in Annapolis last week who did not have their hair in a "bob" cut had to report to a processing station to get a regulation haircut to begin their "plebe summer," the seven-week orientation and initiation process.

Male students have their heads shaved.

This was the rule for women at Annapolis from 1976 (the first year women were admitted) until 2019, when sensible people sought to create a more inclusive atmosphere and follow the Navy's standards for differences in hair texture.

US Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, who likes to call himself the Secretary of War since he's so tough, came up with this change on the grounds that "efforts to promote diversity make the armed forces weaker."

In being this hard-headed, Hegseth aligns himself with former Maryland Governor Bob "Bob" Ehrlich, who used to go around saying "multiculturalism is bunk." 

It would be good for the Bobs and the Petes to remember that there are different kinds of people in this crazy old world.

Sunday Rerun: For a Swim

 

If you ever want to get a lot of opinions churning in the air, here’s a topic that will get things going. It's more controversial than regular vs. decaf, vanilla vs. chocolate, grits vs. Home fries, and "versus" vs "verse," which is particularly concerning to me.

The topic is anchovies. To the bewilderment of all, Peggy and I both love those salty little fish. Pizza chefs and servers always give us the fisheye when we order one with extra cheese, sausage, and anchovies. Servers have even told us that the kitchen crew gives them a hard time for turning in an order for that tasty pie.

And many restaurants will offer a salad with Caesar dressing, but they durst not call it a Caesar salad (more in a minute). And if you ask for anchovies, they act like you requested 14 "carrot" gold flakes on your salad. 

To make a proper salad, you need romaine lettuce, croutons, and a rich dressing, which would contain olive oil, raw egg, Parmesan cheese, Worcestershire sauce, and a dash of lemon juice.

And, for pity's sake, give anchovies a try next time you strap on a salad feedbag. Attempting to cajole a friend into signing up for the We ❤️ Anchovies club, I told him I like to arrange 4 or 5 of them on top of a salad in such a pattern that suggests an entire school of them swimming in a hurry to join the lettuce, tomatoes, cheese and dressing in my bowl.

At least, he said he'd think about it! 

The Saturday Picture Show, June 27, 2026

 

Big doin's in Baltimore this weekend! Sail 250 with the tall ships and flyovers and big crowds downtown. Should be something to see!

Free Wallpaper for the week features a chipmunk. I did not know they were tree-climbers, but it looks like this one has a pretty good grip on the branch.

Don't tell me birds aren't smart. While humans intentionally seek sun, birds know what to do. Not shady at all!

Well, Andy, we didn't get an invitation either, but we wish her and that big lug lots of love and happiness!

Every year at this time, they send the press photographers to the Naval Academy in Annapolis to cover the induction of a new class of middies. They always show people getting the mandatory Navy haircut and I always think of John Candy in "Stripes."

I don't know either. Just don't say anything.

A guy goes to the trouble of building a protected box for dropping off package deliveries. Amazon just can't go to the trouble.

"The Princess Bride" is one of those pictures that you just have to see, if only to know what everyone is talking about with gags like this!

You just have to set boundaries somewhere!

From a wristwatch to a huge TV screen, see me for all your box needs. Really. I cannot throw them out!

JP Moregone

She's a New York Knicks basketball fan, she's 40 (old enough to know better) and her name is Angie Báez. We didn't know her until the other day, but when video of her dumping out the contents of a Knicks-themed trash can after their victory parade last week hit the internet, we all found out something new about Ms Angie - namely, that she is no longer a DEI executive with JPMorgan Chase. 

It would appear that she wanted the trash can to use at her home in Harlem, so she emptied it, got on the subway home and presumably was using it in her house when word got around who she was.

Advice to anyone thinking of doing anything wrong anywhere: there is video of you that will soon be seen on every channel, including Martha Stewart's. So, just don't.

She has returned the stolen goods — and found herself slapped with $175 in fines for the foolish theft of city property which must have seemed like a great idea AT THE TIME.

The happy ride home. 

That smile must have faded fast this past Tuesday, when Chase tied a can to her. So, the final score reads Trash Cans: 0, Jobs: 0. 

Lessons learned: 1.

But if they decide to make a TV movie out of this, she can be portrayed by Meg Griffin from "Family Guy."