All the ships at sea

I relate to Michael Scurr, a long-time volunteer at Britain’s National Archives. He spends a morning every week foraging through old papers and documents to have them in sort sort of order so that future researchers have easier and more organized access.

I too love to rummage through old papers, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever figure to find something like he did! 

He was sifting through the letters of an 18th-century Royal Navy captain this past May, and came upon a report dated Christmas Eve 1776, when the American privateer (a government-sanctioned non-military boat asea for the purposes of piracy) Dalton was captured. Scurr opened a paper attached to that report (I wonder what they used before paper clips and staples) and saw the word DECLARATION printed on the top of it.

Sure enough, that piece of paper so long stored away has been positively identified as a rare early copy of America’s founding document. It was printed just days after the original was signed on July 4, 1776, and declared to all that the 13 colonies had cut off all ties to Britain.

It is one of just 11 original copies of the so-called Exeter printing of the declaration that are known to exist, and the only one identified outside the United States, the British National Archives said.  This version was printed in Exeter, New Hampshire, between July 16 and 19, 1776.

John Hancock's John Hancock on the paper authorized the ship to disrupt trade and do battle with the British Navy.

And that turned out pretty well, for us.

 

 The thinking is that the captain of the Dalton read the Declaration to the crew of his 18-gun vessel to let them know that they were in the fight and why.

 I would write more today, but I'm going to the basement to go through some old boxes.

Cash Patel

 It was Wednesday, it was warm in Baltimore, and I needed some groceries and prescriptions. I got the Rx'es just fine, but when I went to pay for the food, things went down the disposal.

The young male cashier roused himself from his daze so he could tell me the total: $31.35.

I said fine, here's what I'm going to do. I gave him a 50, a one, a quarter and a dime. He looked as if I had tried to pay with ancient pieces of eight from a treasure chest, so I tried to coach him, saying, just enter the amount I gave you and see how it comes out.

Next thing I know, he's digging in the drawer for a ton of change. I said there should be no coins involved here; you owe me twenty flat.

"But I forgot to ring up the dime, so your change is $19.90 because I can't go back and add it in."

I looked at him with disbelief. He wasn't arrogant or anything, just monumentally unconcerned with doing his job.

I said, "Take that dime out of your hand. Put it in the drawer along with all that change you were trying to give me. Hand me a twenty-dollar bill. Then you're square and I'm square and we can all go on with our lives."

He did just that. Now I have to see a chiropractor because my neck hurts from all this headshaking.

The Gums of Navarone

 Elvis Presley became the King of Rock because he brought something to this earth that blended many types of music with his own talents as a singer and performer.

His family is now represented by one Navarone Garibaldi. Navarone is Elvis's first wife Priscilla’s son with her second husband. Navarone is also the half brother of Elvis's only child, Lisa Marie.

Last week, Navarone started a GoFundMe out of his driveway in Los Angeles. He wants your money to help him kick off an “affordable organic pizza” business.

He's looking for $5,500 to buy an industrial pizza oven. Naturally, given the fortune that the Presley family sits on, people are wondering why he doesn't just go to his mom with his hand out and ask for a handout.

Priscilla and Navarone.

People just jumped all over him on Instagram after he put out the GoFMe, and Navarone said, “Haters gonna hate… and I’m sure I’ll have to explain this many more times to ignorant people who think I should ‘ask my mom’ or that I have money….. YEAH, I also have a lot of bills, I also have a budget.”

And he told TMZ, “She loves the idea but I can’t ask for money for every whimsical idea I have or we both would be broke.” 

He also told TMZ he is confident that once he has that pizza oven up and cranking out the pies, his 81-year-old mother will swing by for a slice or two.

Our National Pizza Desk will keep an eye on this story for you. Meanwhile, up in Heaven, Elvis must be heaving a mighty sigh, baby.

 

Just can't take it

 Boy howdy, those farm stands really have everything nowadays! Tomatoes, cucumbers, corn, chard, lettuce, onions, carrots, blueberries, raspberries, video cameras....

Ooops! The man you see here heaping fruits and veggies into a tote sack did not know about that last thing, or he would not have tried to rip the farmer off by loading up with produce and hitting the road.

The cameras worked great, and so did the shaming, because the farmer showed the videos on Facebook and asked if anyone knew this man, wearing Fire Department hat and shirt, and by the next morning, the farmer was able to report that the guy showed up and paid his debt.

It was interesting to follow along on Facebook. Most people said it was shameful, and represented that certain sense of entitlement to which no one is entitled, be they firefighter, police, teacher, whatever.  You don't get to steal food.

But some people were saying that maybe the man was confused and thought the stuff was out there for free. This is the new style of bending over backward to adjust our moral compasses that many are employing. 

"It's ok to steal from where I work because it's part of my pay, or should be."

"Everyone is cheating on their taxes/vehicle registration/final exams/spouse, so why should I be the only one not doing it?"

"It's only a crime if you get caught."

"It's a victimless crime anyway; no one gets hurt."

"They expect a certain amount of shrinkage or pilferage anyway and they adjust the prices up, so I'm already paying for it."

"I give them plenty of business all year; time for a freebie."

To which I say, no, no, no, no, no, and no. I hope this guy, even though he finally paid up, is being shunned by his friends who work and pay for what they get.

I'd be ashamed to know him.

She had it her way

 You see this ten-story office building in Glen Burnie, Maryland? 

It's called Empire Towers, and this is an old picture of it. A new picture would show zero cars on the parking lot and barricades all around. The building was deemed structurally unsafe last week. Apparently, people have been working on the underground parking garage and the building's moorings are not quite up to holding the building up, so even if there's a bank branch in there, no one can hold that up either. It's a huge deal down in Glen Burnie, legendary home of Maryland's Motor Vehicle Administration and 47 car dealers in a two-block radius. Nearby businesses are closed until someone figures it all out.

You see the Burger King right next door (also currently closed)? Therein lies a tale. I worked around the corner at  WISZ  AM-FM from 1973 to 1978. I started out on the evening shift. Most nights I would pack some sort of lunch - a little salad, some lunchmeat, Potato Stix (I still love them!), maybe a Pop-Tart. BUT every now and then, I would skip packing a lunch and hit the BK for something substantial, maybe a Double Whopper, large fries, a vanilla shake.

I packed about 160 lbs on a 6' 5" frame then, so calories were not a concern.

You know the drill at places like the King: order, pay, and wait to get your chow in a bag. And so it was that one day I was waiting for my BA order, along with a hippie-looking girl who ordered a plain hamburger and a soda.

My order came up, the guy slid it across the counter at me, and BAM! The freakazoid snagged my bag the way Brooks Robinson used to pick up hot ground balls, and then she ran out the door like Ed Reed after an interception. 

The guy at the counter looked like this was not a first. He remade my order and I was on my way to play Conway Twitty records very happily, and as far as I know, her original order is still sitting there.

If Burger King ever opens up, if Empire Towers doesn't collapse, it's probably still there waiting for her.

Sunday rerun: I'll have a Danish

 The other night, watching the Orioles game, Peggy jokingly referred to left fielder Heston Kjerstad as "Kierkegaard," and a good time was had by all.

Now, Søren Kierkegaard was a Danish theologian, philosopher, poet, social observer, and Christian author. He was only around for 42 years (1813 - 1855) but in that short life, he founded what is called the philosophical school known as existentialism.

"Søren The K"

Existentialism is often confused or misidentified as the very concept of existence. You're likely to see this among the blurbs on the back covers of cheesy novels in whose scenarios frustrated, unfulfilled suburbanites seek the meaning of life as they pilot their Range Rovers home from Whole Foods..."Walston was struck by the existential nature of life, realizing that if he hadn't joined the water polo team at Yale, he would never have known the love of Heather, whose father owned a chain of lumberyards in the Fair Hills area."

Walston's imaginary plush life notwithstanding, Existentialism holds that we have the freedom and responsibility to make the right choices to lead our lives down successful, proper paths.

In other words, "If it is to be, it is up to me."

The most notable existentialists include Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Martin Heidegger, Jean-Paul Sartre, Albert Camus, Simone de Beauvoir, and Orioles color commentator Ben McDonald, who pointed out in a game this past Saturday against the Tigers that each player is responsible for his own performance. 

And therein lies the meaning of life! 

Ben McDonald can hold 7 baseballs in his hand.

The Saturday Picture Show, July 11, 2026

 

One might think that this woman is suffering an unbearable loss or a soul-rending tragedy. But no. She's just cheesed off because the officials are telling her and her party they had to leave the Freedom 250 site last Saturday in DC. If you'll recall, tremendous storms with wind and rain came in and did some damage. But she chose to stand her ground because she wanted to see the fireworks. Even her daughter knows better.

My suggestion (and I am full of them): Change the name of the company to "Schindler's Lifts."

On the other hand, try telling these birds they have to vacate their perch. It's written right there!

After all these years, people still line up to view the tomb of Ramses II.

One simple comma or colon would have changed this from something funny to a lesson for those who want to keep all their extremities.

Hot a-mighty! That is my favorite salad right there. Hold the greens, Mabel!

Well, Daniel L, I can understand, because when I was a little tacker, they said I always got carried away. I can't tell you how many owls it took!

Did the person who named this bucolic grove know what happened the last time the Donner Party camped out for a picnic?

"If you're going to commit serious crimes,  A) don't talk about your plans out loud and B) make sure no one is recording you when you do." Good advice from beyond the grave from Richard Nixon, whose Oval Office shenanigans were recorded for posterity and prosecutors on this very machine.

The Dodgers had their annual Pride Night last month. Not all of the boys were grown up enough to participate and wear the rainbow hat that 24 of the 26 players wore. Here's pitcher Blake Treinen, # 49, on the right, who just can't bear the thought of two people  being able to express their sexuality the way he does. To Blake and all the other pearl-clutchers out there, here is my chant: "I am straight and the hat looks great!"