Thursday, December 19, 2013

Domo Arigato

Everyone was raising hobs about the Detroit Lions' wide receiver Calvin Johnson, a man said to be so mighty that he could catch a football and thunder to the goal line, no matter the opposition.  That was until this past Monday night, when Johnson, or "Megatron," as he likes to be called, dropped more balls than a clumsy urologist when the Lions lost to the six field goals made by Ravens kicker Justin Tucker, henceforth known as "Legatron."

So of course, all this got me to thinking about robots, which at one time were rumored to be taking over the world, but have seemingly lost interest in doing that.  My dream of having a robot mow the lawn, rake the leaves and fetch the newspaper seems fated never to come true, and while it's true that a robot spot-welded your new Ford Exploder together on some factory production line, robots have not made inroads into everyday America as we were told.

Of course, the same people who told us that also presaged an era in which paper would not be found in the home or office. Everything was going to be stored on computer hard drives, remember?  So now, everyone saves their recipes, tax returns, and pictures of Dick Cheney wearing a propellor beanie to their A: drive and also prints all that out, filing one copy, tacking another on their corkboard, and sending a third paper printout to Ernie down in Accounts Receivable.

So while some are pining to have robot lumberjacks cutting down all the trees we need for these printouts (you saw that one coming, didn't you?), that's not a job on the list I saw of jobs that robots can handle.

If you still have your Mr Machine, he is more than willing to augment the family income by working in the search-and-rescue field, becoming a TSA inspector, teaching children with autism or caring for the elderly and the disabled.

And on his days off, he can come over and shovel snow for me.  I will give him cocoa - not too hot, though. Don't want to melt him!

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