Diner's Card

I really find the suffix "ie" irritating, as in "Oh you know her, she's a newsie at Channel 75" or "All the foodies were at the new restaurant, seeing what Chef Boyardee is doing with his new balsamic reduction of hazelnut salad..."

Newsie.  Foodie.  It's all too cutie, consarn it.

But I love to read the restaurant reviews in the newspaper. Here in Baltimore, the chances are good that if you write a food column in the newspaper, your review of that hot new bistro will be read by someone who is using your paper as a tabletopper while they smash steamed crabs, or as a fishwrap for the trout they caught down at Herb's shore place the other day.

They opened a new restaurant in a shopping center in the city that is so close to the county that I once saw a young county police chase a young city thief from the county into the city.  I think the kid figured once he was over the line that the chase was over.  At least, I'm sure that's what he hold the judge. Anyhow, there was a shoe store in the shopping center, and now they are trying to make a restaurant happen there.  The previous two iterations, "Taste" and "Crush," both opened to great fanfare and closed with none.  So now, restaurateurs have opened "Shoo-Fly" in that spot, and you can read the review here. Please note that the people involved with this restaurant wish to be known for running a "farm-to-table" restaurant.  As if there could be food, be it served in the finest joint in town or in the greasiest spoon in town, that did NOT come from a farm and is NOT served on a table of some sort. This is the sort of wordplay that led carmakers to use the words "road car" to describe their products, seemingly to separate them from "ocean cars" or "space cars."

Unless someone else is paying, don't look for me at Shoo-Fly, just as I was a stranger to the maîtres d' at Taste and Crush. Nutty idea here, but it just might work: If you want diner food, go to a diner. If you are tired of "disco fries, a bowl full of fries, with cheese curd and a fried egg on top," (left)  come with me to the Double T and I'll show you a menu that's as thick as the Oxford English Dictionary without mentioning cheese curds, or bourbon slushes, for crying out loud.

Notice that diners tend to stay open for decades and these farmie to tablie places close down within six months.  Hmmm.