Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Purrfect

In the Massachusetts town on Worcester, which has always been my favorite shire, you can beat the rap for returning library books late by bringing in a picture of a cat - or an "honorary cat". They'll accept a picture or drawing of a dog, raccoon, orca, capybara, or any other animal. 

The deal is called "Felines for Fee Forgiveness!" and it's part of their "March Meowness" celebration.

In fact, the program is already underway. The WPL has had hundreds of items returned (that's the point! Get the books back on the shelves!) and they are posted on a "cat wall."

The library's Executive Director, Jason Homer, says, "We found that many of our patrons may have items that were misplaced during the pandemic as schools shuttered and we entered quarantine.  We wanted to get everyone back in the library, and using our resources, and also wanted to create a really low barrier to get these fees forgiven." 

 


March Meowness seems to have something for everyone! There will be a screening of the 2019 movie "Cats",  cat-eye make-up lessons, a "de-stressing" hour of playing with shelter cats, DIY cat crafts, a scavenger hunt and more!

Worcestershirians need not feel they need to attend all these activities. That "Cats" movie was a real dog, in my "Memory."

Monday, March 18, 2024

More on the Truman show

I can't say enough good things about the FX/Hulu docudrama “Feud: Capote vs. The Swans.” And I'll tell you this - even if you have not had my 50+-year fascination with Truman Capote's talent and why he wasted it away like pouring precious water out of a bottle in a sere American literary landscape that he could have helped flourish, you will enjoy this eight-part series as a study of humans and their friendships and their willingness to deal with the devil.

After Truman drove away almost all of the people who loved him in the New York society-page world that he once ruled, he wound up in California, sponging off Johnny Carson's ex-wife, Joanne. Not even she was enough encouragement for him to get off his aspidistra and finish what he promised would be his Next Great Book, "Answered Prayers." All of us who prayed for a chance to read that book got the same answer: Forget it. 

After Truman died (1984) Joanne held onto a portion of his ashes for a decent period of mourning, and then auctioned them off for $44,000. She hoped that some young writer could be inspired by Truman Capote's boxed remains.

It is true that everyone could be a great writer; all of us walking around this earth have access to the same dictionaries and thesauri. The skill part is knowing which of those words to use, and when. And why, because Capote spent so much time idly gossiping with yentas that he forgot he could write about things that mattered.

Parceled off in a hand-carved Japanese wooden box, his ashes at least allowed him to urn a living again. Pun intended.

 

Tom Hollander, the actor who played Capote so perfectly, and the hand-carved box.


 

Sunday, March 17, 2024

Sunday Rerun: Dress Up!

 The United States Senate, that august body of sobersided ladies and gentlemen dedicated only to the public weal, was conducting hearings two years ago in the Banking Committee about the Equifax data breach.


Former Equifax CEO Richard Smith (if that is his real name) testified about the data leak that caused the personal banking information of 145 million people to get into evil hands. As in "Smith's" prior testimony before the House Energy and Commerce Committee, he claimed "full responsibility."

He also scheduled appearances to sing "Mea Culpa" to the junior varsity soccer team of Salmon P. Chase High School in Blue Earth, Minnesota, the Wednesday Afternoon Reading Club of Conway, Arkansas, and the staff of the E. Z. Bucks payday loan company in Twitty, Mississippi.



But for "Smith's" boffo Senate appearance, a spectator enjoyed the show in a black silk top hat, big bushy white mustache, and monocle sat in the crowd, swabbing away forehead sweat with gag paper money.  It was a simulacrum of the man we all know as Rich Uncle Pennybags from the Monopoly game show.

Ms Werner in costume








The Moneybags effigy is all part of the protest of the group known as Americans for Financial Reform. The Monopoly "man" is actually a female, one Amanda Werner, who wishes to make known her group's opposition to the forced arbitration clauses that the big banks use to limit consumers' (our) right to fight things out in court with them.



But I hasten to point out something almost as important as the fight against the pythons of capitalism, who seek daily at every turn to squeeze the middle class out of every nickel they can force us to cough up.

The Monopoly Man did not have a monocle!

Nor did Scrooge McDuck, who wore pince-nez spectacles.

People always confuse Monopoly Guy with Mr Peanut, the beloved mascot of the Planters Nut company.

That's a monocle!

Saturday, March 16, 2024

The Saturday Picture Show, March 16, 2024

 

This is the legendary Smetana's Delicatessen, at York Rd and Burke Av in my beautiful hometown of Towson, MD. It was here that I would stop on my way home from high school detention to get a half a cold cut sub, a quarter of a pickle, and a coke. Then I would walk up York Rd to the heart of town, stop in at Read's Drugstore ("Run right to Read's!") for an ice cream, and then walk through Towson Plaza to get to Providence Rd and hitchhike home. That's 2.04 miles, says Google Maps.  At 6' 5", I tipped the scales at 140 lbs. in those days. It must have been all that walking.
Happy St. Patrick's Day tomorrow!
It's as if you saw a paintbrush owned by Van Gogh, or a typewriter that Truman Capote used. This is the cord that amplifies the notes Keith Richards plays.

We are lucky around here; our tap water is very tasty. Even the fish who swim in it say it's great!

It's a good idea to vary your wardrobe and not rely on the same color tie every day of your life.
A pound of beef, some cheese and rice, and here's a stuffed pepper that will feed a family of 27!
The Daffodils, having spent the winter hibernating, are bursting forth already!
Ah, the indignities of a life chasing the footlights. This fellow's claim to show biz fame this week is that it was he who worked the applauding paws of Messi the Dog at the Academy Awards.
Normal? We passed Normal a long time ago, and we're not headed back that way for a long long time.
Well, I'll be doggoned! Look what's back! And so are the inane posts from people who will search all over town for a doctor who doesn't require masks for office visits, because "everyone knows they don't work." Some of us will not learn.

Friday, March 15, 2024

First National Banksy

No one knows his real name, but he goes around leaving art all over the place.

They call him Banksy over in England. He accomplishes his goal of activism by doing street art and directing films.

I guess this one would be known in Haiku as "Prop drapes, dreary house. Silhouetted boy and cat."

Naturally, someone had to come along and do some forgeries to sell to those unaware. Some of the fakes have raked in a couple of thousand dollars.

Spanish police have found and broken up a forgery ring in an apartment in the city of Zaragoza. Banksy-fakes made there were being sold at auction or online, and even in some shops.

The police have discovered nine art pieces at the apartment, and proof of some 25 sales to people in Spain, Germany, Switzerland, the United States and Scotland. They have placed four people under investigation, charged with fraud and theft of intellectual property.

The police say the people involved are "young followers of Banksy's street art with economic problems." Fans of the man's work rip him off and in turn rip other citizens off. 

The motto used to be "art before commerce," but now it's the art of stealing that is plumping up wallets.  

The fakers were presenting their "work" as part of  Banksy's "Dismaland" project, a sort of theme park in the British town of Weston-super-Mare.

 


Thursday, March 14, 2024

Guess what! We went to the moon!

I don't know much about basketball, but I will always remember that the National Basketball Association record for scoring points in a game is held by Wilt "The Stilt" Chamberlain of the Philadelphia Warriors, playing against the New York Knicks on March 2, 1962. 

The game was not played in Philadelphia or New York, and the reason for that plays into what I'm here to talk about today. 

In 1962, the NBA was not nearly as popular or ubiquitous as it is today. There was no cable, so there was far less television exposure. The game itself centered around set shots from the court, rather than dramatic dunks under the basket; it was more of a finesse game at the time.

So the Warriors sought to promote themselves in other ways, with no 24-hour TV coverage. They played some games in a drafty hockey arena in Hershey, Pennsylvania, hoping to attract new fans, and it was there that Chamberlain got off to a hot start that evening, and his teammates kept feeding him the ball, enabling him to sink enough "Dipper Dunks" and jump shots, totaling 100 points.

All good for the game, and it has been said that that one single game helped the pro league become an American fixture. People talked about it, and went to see more games.

You know what else has become an American fixture, though, is this dumb trend of people questioning the validity of things and saying maybe they didn't happen. This dates back to the days of early man, when humans had not yet learned much about the nature of the universe, so they made up fables to explain things. This is why your parents told you not to go back in the pool for thirty minutes after you had a sandwich, lest you face a certain, watery, death.

There is, against all odds, a movement afoot on the socials (TikTok, YouTube, Reddit, Facebook and X/Twitter) that has people wondering if this game, and Chamberlain's feat, actually took place. Because there is not complete video available of the game, and not even a complete audio recording of the play-by-play, people with podcasts and plenty of time to think of things to podcast about are saying maybe this was faked. 

Yes, it happened.

As a nation, as a world, we are awash in facts. For crying out loud, everyone walks around with a little device in their pocket that can tell them the latest news, name the principal exports of every nation, list all the ingredients for a really nice layer cake, and play songs to listen to while you bake that cake.

And instead of appreciating having the sum total of human knowledge and experience literally at our fingertips, some of us just see a fact and say, "Duh, that is fake news!"

Where would we get such an idea?

 

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Burger king

When you find a person of accomplishment, it's always best to acknowledge their talent and dedication to craft, the things that separate a true concert master violinist from someone who just started sawing on an old fiddle the other day.

Someone who has kept a streak of continuous attainment alive since 1972 certainly deserves our respect, so without further ado, let's hear it for Don Gorske.

We've mentioned his glorious deeds before, but it's time to check in on the man who has eaten at least one Big Mac every day since 1972, May. He's up to 34,000 two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on  sesame seed bun sandwiches, and he's not even slowing down, although he admits, "People thought I'd be dead by now."


He's a retired prison guard, so that would account for his being accustomed to quotidian habits. 

He has a wife, to whom he proposed in the parking lot of "his" McD's, where his picture is on display for all to revere. “She has put up with a lot of obsessive compulsive things I do and hasn’t let my Big Mac thing get to her,” he will tell you.

As it will, retirement has changed his life in some ways. He no longer goes to the Golden Arches every day; he goes twice a week and stocks up on Macs to nuke at home. He does eat a fresh one when he picks them up - and nowadays he only has one at lunch and one at dinner every day, down from the nine a day he was doing. He doesn't eat breakfast, and as a bedtime treat, he'll reach for a fruit bar or ice cream or potato chips.

And...he did cheat once; in 1984 he tried a Whopper from Burger King and ran back to Mickey D's, swearing loyalty which now approaches forty years.

All hail an American Original - Mr Don Gorske, of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin!