Thursday, June 30, 2011

Gangster Wrap

We demand tighter national security, but when a 95-year-old terminal cancer patient is detained for 45 minutes at an airport in Florida and subjected to all sorts of searches, we say that's going too far.

Unless she had turned out to be a real granny, but had something planted on her by Al Qaeda.

Or, say, unless she had been a Birther terrorist male dressed up like a 95-year old female, carrying WMDs in his BVDs.

Then, if a disaster was averted, everyone would have said how great the airport security was.  Or, had the worst happened, everyone would be hopping up and down, saying, "You just can't TAKE that kind of CHANCE!  with peoples' LIVES!  so we need to screen everyone! Except me, I'm in a big hurry to get to Cleveland."

Meanwhile, out in sunny Cali, on-the-loose mob biggie James J. "Whitey" Bulger hid from the FBI for 16 years by shacking up with his dental hygienist girlfriend.  In fact, that's how the Feds got him...when they came to the door of his apartment in Santa Monica, they said "Open!" and he leaned his head 'way back, mouth agape.  From then, it was an easy matter to take his bib off and slip on the handcuffs, although the aging mobster did ask if he would be allowed to rinse.

But, it turns out now that he frequently crossed the Mexican border to go to Tijuana and purchase heart medicine.  Tight security there, eh?  The most wanted fugitive for the last 16 years slips in and out of the country more often than Michele Bachmann crosses that Illinois/Oregon border.  She does have a problem with geography, claiming that the shots fired in Lexington and Concord took place in New Hampshire, when in fact, any school kid could tell you that happened in the run-up to the Revolutionary War in Massachusetts.

Then this week, she shows up in Waterloo, Iowa, the place where she was born (although she has denied my repeated requests to see her birth certificate - so what is she hiding?) and claimed that John Wayne was born there.  Which he wasn't, but do you know who used to live there?  John Wayne GACY!

I'm hoping we can get more of this sort of humor from a woman who blamed the 1976 Swine Flu outbreak on a president who took office in 1977.  It's better than watching more "How I Met Your Mother" reruns.

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