Names Insane

The way life worked out, we have been childless, and unless there is something to that "Stork brought it" theory, it looks like we will remain that way.  But if I had the chance to name a baby boy, I would go with:

1. Elvis
2. Ralph
3. Jim Bob 
4. Earl
5. Ray Lee
6. Faron
7. Sammy
8. Fez
9. Tony! Toni! Toné!
10. Milton

Girl names?  oh, so easy - - 

1. Connie
2. Mildred
3. Agnes
4. Sandra Dee
5. Peggy Jr.
6. Liz
7. Jenny (867-5309)
8. Donna
9. Jackie
10. Judy! Judy! Judy!

So, if you or someone you know is expecting a baby, please call me and you can have any one of these names for absolutely no charge.  And, if you call before tomorrow night, we'll include  - free for nothin' - the name of a good counselor for when the kid comes screaming to you that he/she is being teased because his/her name is Kal-El Coppola*/Fifi Trixibell.**
 
* onetime movie star Nicolas Cage named his son for Superman's original birth name
** Humanitarian Bob "Sir Bob" Geldof and Paula Yates hung this moniker around their daughter's neck