Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Doobie Brother

Since I limit my drug use to dollar-store brand acetaminophen and ibuprofen, I can't really speak for avid consumers of marijuana, whose numbers are probably far higher than we straights can imagine.  Higher, get it?  Yeah.  What I'm saying is, people tell me that a lot more people are sparkin' up doobies and dragging on bowls than we think about.  Like the guy driving the car in front of you this morning on the way to work...and definitely that kid at the Kwik-E-Mart. We all know the warning signs.  The bloodshot eyes.  The general lethargy.  The constant hunger, known as "the munchies."  The lack of interest in school work, the finding of new, somewhat sketchy friends, the unexplained seeds in the pocket.  Except for the seeds, the same list could be called "Ways to spot a summer swimming pool team kid."

Woody Harrelson's advocacy aside, it's not for me.  I don't know how anyone else feels, but I would definitely be shocked to hear that some respected member of the community, someone widely regarded as a pillar of the community, member of various civic organizations and a hail-fellow-well-met all around routinely places late-night orders for half a dozen whole cheesesteaks with everything.

Anyway, there's no doubt that country music legend Willie Nelson is a big fan of smoking pot.  At 78, he's just a touch over the regular demographic group for that sort of thing, yet any rumors of his giving it up can just be chalked up to someone blowing smoke.  Last November, a suspicious odor coming from his tour bus led to his arrest.  Finding marijuana on Willie Nelson's tour bus must be as difficult as finding a cheeseburger at McDonalds.  Willie Nelson getting pinched in Texas for weed?  Unheard of, pard'ner. 

But then in March, the local County Attorney, Kit Bramblett, said that County Judge Becky Dean-Walker had ordered Nelson to perform "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain" in court as payment for his crime, but the judge said that was a "joke that got out of hand."  Justice cannot be served like tunes in a jukebox, she might have realized, just before some other joker was hauled into court and she took one look at him and may or may not have said, "Hang him!"

Two words that terrify me when used in conjunction with each other are "Texas" and "judge."  

So Willie, showing here just how great it's possible to look at age 78, paid his fine and court costs with a check to the tune of $787.  The man who wrote "Hello Walls" will be free again to look at his own walls.
The man who wrote "Pretty Paper" can buy more Bambu. And the composer of "The Party's Over" can party without having to worry about wearing a "Blackjack County Chain."

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