Friday, June 17, 2011

Act Your Age

"You're not a senior, are you?"

It was not the first time I had heard this question.  First time, I was a sophomore in high school, and had dared to be waiting for someone in the sacrosanct area known as The Senior Lobby.  An overly officious guy (I guess he was a senior) yelled at me with a demand that I either age two years in ten seconds or get the yell out of there.  Apparently, this was a huge deal, this area by the front door, decorated with Homecoming Dance posters, and access was only granted to those who had attained the rank of high school senior.  Even though we had a couple of sophomores who were old enough to drive, vote, buy beer and hold office in several states, this was a huge dealio, and my being there was enough to cause major problems while I waited for a buddy to lend me last night's Algebra homework. 

X = 3.25, as it turned out, was the right answer.  My answer was "a pierced thorax," and that was not the only time I turned in Biology homework in a math class.

We had an informal Sophomore Lobby, an architectural blunder that was a staircase leading to nowhere, where particular people congregated to hoove on Marlboros, until a female gym teacher, shod in sneakers, snuck up on us.  But that's a whole 'nother story.

I heard the "you're not a senior, are you?" question again after work the other day. I stopped at the Try 'N' Save for some green beans and blackberries, and the kid cashier, who looked like he just got out of high school himself, posed that question to me.  

"How old do I have to be to get a senior discount?," I asked, always looking to save a nickel.


"Daggone, two years short again."  


Is it worth it to drive an extra mile to a drugstore on Senior Wednesday when all one needs is horehound cough drops, Alka-Seltzer, and Dr Scholl's foam inserts?

How big a thrill is it to dine at Bob Evans and find, when the bill comes, that one was charged for a "SR PKCHP" and find out that means "senior porkchop," and it also means saving a buck or more?

I might just go get a fake ID so I can join a senior center!

Man Show Boy shows how it's done!

Fake ID used by intemperate First Daughter Barbara Bush


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