Just A Remote Chance

This nice computer that I'm typing to you on is protected against viruses, spam and malware by the good people at Norton.

Norton!

No, not Ed Norton.

The Norton Symantec people. 

And so it was that they sent me an email the other day telling me that there were updates available to this online protection.  There was a yellow button that said "click here."  So I clicked there, and I was led down a rabbithole of words and directions, none of which meant a thing to me.

Now, in terms of computer knowledge, I'm kind of in between George Bush and Bill Gates. Which is to say, I didn't invent the operating system, but I am able to work one while eating pretzels without endangering my life.  But I gave up and went online to the Norton Help Center, and after a brief wait of about half an hour, a guy named Arijit greeted me via text and asked permission to take remote control of my machine.  I sat back, leafing through a book about football, and somewhere in India a guy took my cursor, worked my PC, and updated my security system.

How great would it be if someone could do that for other things?  You're cooking dinner and the soufflé is saggier than Mel Gibson's box office.  You just punch some codes on your oven and Rachael Ray whips that bad boy back into a fluffy delight!  You're at the kitchen table, watching "Everybody Loves Raymond" and working on your tax returns, and you just don't know whether your new Armani suit is credible as a deduction, since your work involves putting out fires.  You enter the right numbers on your Casio XKD-4500 cal-q-lator, and you get advice from both H. and R. Block!

Or let's say you're running for Senate from Delaware and you aren't sure about how to broach the topic of your days dabbling in witchcraft.  Simply stir up the old cauldron and poof! Samantha Stevens will help you out.

York - Darren #1

Sargent - Darren #2

Now there's only one choice for you to make: Dick Sargent or Dick York?