She Said It First!

It would appear that American courts are clogged these days. First I read that some nut out in Los Angeles jumped up on stage, the better to be nearer to his favorite performer, and was found guilty of assault and disruptive behavior, and also will take home $455,000 as a consolation prize, because he was injured in the process of ruining the concert for everyone else.

But I guess the courts had to wipe that docket clean so that all of American jurisprudence could cock an eye toward this giant lawsuit involving talk show titan Oprah G. Winfrey and Mutual of Omaha, the insurance company that used to bring us "Wild Kingdom" with Marlin Perkins and his Shirt Of Many Pockets.

If this isn't the dumbest thing you ever heard a bunch of adults going to court to contest, I don't know what is, but M of O created a bunch of television commercials touting their insurance company and used the phrase "A-ha Moment" in them.

O of ChicagO got all steamed about it and said that she, Oprah, had come up with the term "A-ha Moment" and therefore those words belong to her and no one else can say them.

Who knows? She probably has a case and will win, and in that spirit I would like to announce that I hereby copyright and trademark the following figures of speech, which no one can ever even dream of using or face the retaliation of my bona fide legal team:

• "Oh for the sweet love of Pete, can't anyone out there pick up a baseball and throw it to first base?"
• "Of course you should buy a Pontiac! It's not like they're gonna stop making them or anything!"
• "Double veggies, no cheese."
• "Did I leave my SawZ-all ® in your living room?"
• "Mr Vice-President, please don't shoot me anymore!"

If I hear of anyone saying any of these things, I get paid big-time bucks and can retire early to a life of leisure and indolence. That's my A-Ha Moment!