"And if Elected, I..."

We picked up our official Voter's Guide, published by the League of Women Voters, and as always I read through it, to see the various sides of bond issues and minor elections. For Circuit Court Judge in Baltimore County, the ballot will say "Select no more than two" and there are only two names, plus space for a write-in.


Have you ever heard of anyone anywhere winning an election because of a write-in groundswell of support so awesome that it shakes the established power structure to the ground? Swell. Neither have I. Ever written in the name of someone who is not on the ballot? From what I hear from election officials, people only tend to so when they are try to make a point, either political (Ross Perot) or comical (Mickey Mouse.) Or was that the other way around? Almost as odd, and certainly a large part of the colorful pageantry of American elections, is the guy no one ever heard of, with no chance to win. I'm not talking about people from two blocks off the mainstream here, people on their way up in community service. We're talking about Joe Schlabotnick, with little or no education or experience, just wanting to get into the mix a little bit. Most famous of these around here was a fellow named Cornish. He was running for mayor of Baltimore a quarter-century ago. He had no experience, no background, and he seemed a bit...I dunno...monotone. At a televised debate among the candidates, Mr Cornish answered every question put to him with "Aw, that's a lot of garbage." And then when the topic turned to the city's rapidly-filling trash disposal sites and how he would manage the crunching load of refuse that soon threatened to engulf the city in a miasma of effluvium, Cornish replied, "Aw, that's a lot of garbage." He later accepted an offer to join the Literalist Party, I heard.



Just like Holden Caulfield became depressed when seeing someone else's crummy luggage, it just brings me down to wonder if anyone even runs out to the Bag-It-UrSelf and gets a pack of Chex Mix and some birch beer for the victory parties that never ever had a chance to come true. And how embarrassing is it to call the apparent winner and offer your concession, only to hear, "And who is this again?"