Take your breath away

It's that most wonderful time of the year, when we start getting a lot of mail that contains cash money.  Open an envelope from a charity, and the chances are that a nickel or a dime will fall out on your foot.  The gimmick is, you will either send the money - and 25 more dollars - back to the charity, or you will walk around all day feeling like the biggest ingrate in the world for pocketing their nickel.

Another item we get all the time in the mail now is calendars for next year.  I feel for the people who make all those celebrity calendars ("2014 with Marie Osmond!") because you have to trot out to the store and buy them, whereas every charity and foundation sends you their calendar, and you would be the biggest ingrate in the world for sticking their calendar on the wall and marking down all next year's birthdays, dentist appointments, and bail hearings on it.

Well, we got what must be the 27th calendar of 2014 just yesterday.  This one is courtesy of the American Lung Association.  It's called "Breathtaking Views."  It's everything you want in a calendar.  A page with little blocks for every day, and a nice big picture above..."Deserted beach at Sunrise - Miami Beach, Florida" and "Lake of the Clouds  - Porcupine Mountain State Park."  Pretty pictures, plenty of room to jot down those dates, and the important Judeo-Christian holy days are all listed.

But there's something a bit odd about this calendar, and you should be forewarned if you like it so much that you tack it to the back of the pantry door in yet another vain attempt to get the whole family organized for 2014.  According to the American Lung Association, here is how the months of 2013-2014 will play out:

• September, 2013/October, 2013 (sharing a page)
• March, 2014
• April, 2014
• May, 2014
• November, 2013/December, 2013 (sharing)
• January, 2014
• February, 2014
• September, 2014
• October, 2014
• November, 2014
• June, 2014
• July, 2014
• August, 2014
• December, 2014

I looked all over the calendar, but I can't find the name of any printing firm willing to take the blame for this one.  On the other hand, I kind of like the concept of putting your calendar on "random" and letting the months occur in an unnatural order.

I'll pay a king's ransom to anyone who can take July and August away and give us an extra November and December. I'll give them until the 31st of next February to figure it out!