Friday, July 26, 2013

Hernando needs a hideaway

I'd like a minute to speak to the young job seekers who are reading this.

I have one thing to tell you.  If someone named Joseph Michael Brannen ever gets out of jail and writes a book about how to go about getting the job of your dreams, turn and run the other way.

Young Brannen, the pride of Brooksville, FLA (why are there so many crazy people in that state, I wonder parenthetically) came up with a novel approach to getting hired.  He wanted to be a firefighter.  So he bought some firefighter turnout gear online and...ALLEGEDLY set fire to the East Hernando Library in that book-crazy town.  Someone called 911, and when the engines arrived, they found Brannen at the scene, all decked out in his gear, including an air tank, which was likely as empty as his thoughts.  Since he didn't know what he was doing, standing like there a sore thumb at a hand clinic, he was told to stand back.

Nice try, son.
The fire was extinguished, there was half a million dollars damage to the library, and the fire department started looking around for clues to what was clearly a deliberately set fire. It didn't take either of the Hardy Boys to look around and settle on a suspect.

Apparently, Brannen does not come from a hugely affluent family.  He is currently cooling his heels in the Hernando County Hoosegow, unable to come up with $3,000 bail.

He wanted to be a probationary firefighter and now he will probably be a non-firefighter serving a term on probation.

So, job hunters, let this be a lesson.  If you want to play for the Orioles, buying a uniform and showing up for batting practice at Camden Yards is not the ticket you're looking for. Becoming a brain surgeon will not happen just because you get some stylin' scrubs and a nice pair of clogs and loiter around the scrub room, just as getting a plaid polyester suit and a salmon-colored shirt and a garish tie will not automatically let you sell used cars at one of those corner car lots with hundreds of clear light bulbs strung overhead and pennants of red, yellow and blue flapping in the breeze.

But if you lean your head real close to the window of Brannen's jail cell, you can hear those pennants.  Soon he will go to court, accompanied by a person in a nice blue suit.  He should hope that person went to law school and paid attention.

1 comment:

Brandon said...

Too funny!