Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Name's The Shame

There's nothing too costly for my shower 'n' shave procedure, as long as it's from the Dollar Tree. With the exception of razors - those cheap ones are great for removing old varnish, shellac or paint, but not wonderful on a face.  But soaps, shaving cream, all that:  a dollar here, a dollar there, and I am clean as a whistle.

Have you ever heard of an unclean whistle?

But I was lathering up the other morning and I noticed that the off-brand shower gel I was sudsin' up with  - instead of Irish Spring, it was Scottish Summer, I think - had the name of the scent printed on the shqueeze bottle.  The scent was "Hurricane."

Now, living here on the east coast in the mighty Susquehanna drainage basin, close to the shores of the Chesapeake Bay, land of pleasant living, we have our share of hurricane stories.  Isabel, Agnes, Hazel...these are more than just a list of women once dated by Donald Trump.  They were damaging, sometimes lethal, intense tropical storms that did great damage and caused a lot of heartbreak.  

So, let's say our soap...SMELLS like that!

Someone is coming out with a whole line of soap and shower goo with names such as "Neglected Elderly Uncle" or "Last Week's Leftover Salmon,"  you watch.  If you can name them for meteorological disaster, why not? 

Another one! I had a cold a couple of weeks ago.  Details in next month's Journal of the American Medical Ass'n.  I took a Tylenol Severe Cold/Cough/Flu tablet.  The very second it touched my taste buds, I made that Mr
  Yuk face.

And here's how out-of-step I am! I thought, oh, this is a smart move on the part of the good people at Tylenol, Inc.  They gave this pill a disgusting, rancid, foul and repulsive taste so that little kids - should they be clever enough and armed with tiny machetes to get the doggone pills out of the blist-R-pak and try to taste them - would never think them to be candy.

Wrong again I am!  I looked at the box.  It loudly proclaimed "Cool Blast" flavor on the front!  

America. Home of hurricane-scented bath products and cold remedies with flavored coating.  Next: cheese in a spray can and wine in a box.  

What?  They do?  Since when??

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