Sunday, August 8, 2010

Have you seen my misplaced modifier?

After years of careful consideration, we have arrived at a conclusion.  The biggest problem facing America must be stanky cars, or else why is the car air freshener (or "freshner," as above) industry now the #2 commercial venture in our nation, right behind the business of supplying hair gels for Ryan Seacrest?

I mean, the stench from our cars must be overwhelming.  Everyone has these little trees, or the tiny crowns, or the little sachet envelope stuck under the seat right by the crumpled McD bag, to alleviate the miasma within their vehicles.  

There are two remedies.  First, if those of us who habitually apply malodorous substances to our skin - cheap cologne, oils from tropical fruit husks, powders that claim to smell rainbow fresh - will refrain from doing so, along with giving up tobacco and Juicy Fruit gum - widely held to be the stankiest cavity-causer anywhere - the interiors of the various minivans, coupes and sedans will be much more pleasant to the olfactory scents (lousy pun alert!)

And here's a little thing I do on Friday mornings.  I call it "Buying a baker's dozen bagels on the way to work in a paper sack and leaving them in the truck all day long."  

Guaranteed, when you get in the truck to go home, you will love the air within.  A truck that smells like a bagel is a nice place to drive.

Now everything is solved, except for those who wonder why I am going to work in a paper sack.

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