Saturday, January 2, 2010

'Til Death do us thwart

Happy New Year! Let's start off the new year with a pop quiz. Please tell me what Rush Limbaugh, Karl Rove and Newt Gingrich all have in common...besides enchanting personalities, exquisite vocal presentations, and the sort of looks that just make people flock to them.

(Insert Jeopardy theme here, or just hum it if you don't know the words.)

The answer is twofold: they are all three big believers in traditional family values and the sanctity of Christian marriage and opponents of same-sex marriage.

AND they are all divorced.

Say hello to the formerly happy (we assume) Roves. Karl once referred to "5,000 years of understanding the institution of marriage" as his justification for not approving of same-sex couples to be married, as if same-sex couples need his OK to do whatever they want.

But they did for 8 years, because this man among men was the big brain behind the curtain, the puppetmaster who controlled Howdy Doody in the White House. And so, knowing that the Bush base contains a lot of people who don't mind if Joe marries Ann after breaking his marriage vows to Jane, Barbara, Rebecca, Susan, Kimberly, Sarah, Anita and some other Ann, as long as he never ever ever walks down the aisle with Bob, Rove fought long and hard all across the nation to keep this country safe from the scourge of two people in love proclaiming so publicly and legally.

"What God hath joined together, let no man rent asunder." Seems we've heard that somewhere before. It also would seem that permanence and bindingness, if there is such a word, would be part of the traditional Christian values held in such great esteem by so many, and yet flouted when Karl tires of Darby. Listen. I think people should have a right to get a divorce if that's what they want. It's not what I want, nor would it ever be. But I do understand that many times people get married to one person who then becomes quite another person, or they grow apart, or canoodle with 13 different cocktail waitresses, or whatever. But please notice those five words, "if that's what they want." As we used to say, that's a "noneya," as in "noneya damn beeswax" who gets married, stays married, marries someone outside the traditional.

A quick survey of the first 15 females I encountered today showed that a stunning 0.00% percent of them would be interested in being the third Mrs. Rove. Given the choice between marrying Rove and living at the bottom of a well shaft in rural Wyoming, all 15 immediately visited

I was amused to see that the news of this trip to Splitsville was brought to us by illustrious, tawny-maned, easily-flummoxed former Bush White House spokesperson Dana Perino, who recently told fair-and-balanced Sean Hannity, "We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush's term."

9/11/2001. Never forget. She already did.

Hannity chose not to question her on that point. Guess he forgot too. He's not a very patriotic American.

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