The Ache of Cakes

Just to look at my trim, svelte, boyish corpulence (pause for laughter) you would never know this, but you ain't seen the man who loves cupcakes as much as I do. Even more than cake itself! Maybe the packaging efficiency appeals to me, because what's more of a drag than slicing a cake and having some ectomorph holler, "Whoa! That's WAAAAAAAY too much for me!" ? OK, Twiggy. We got it. Cupcakes, you hand someone a cupcake and they eat it, and in all my years of avid consumption I have yet to see someone bite into half a cupcake and leave the other half.

And I have said a million times how ironic it was that I, lover of all things served in paper cups, wound up with a June 30th birthday. All through elementary school, at least in the lower grades, there would be a little party for Bob or Jane or John or Susan on their birthday, and someone's mom would show up with a couple of dozen cupcakes and there'd be good times a-plenty. But being born two weeks after school let out meant that none of those fêtes were mine.

But don't even worry about that part! I more than made up for it as the years went by! And, truth to tell, I had my fun all through school. I was often invited by teachers to spend some quality time writing "I will learn the difference between a classroom and a nightclub" a thousand times, or to stay after school to get an in-depth look at the science of putting chairs atop desks and washing blackboards.

What's really got my mixer on "blend" was seeing this from a nice friend, who wrote on Facebook that she "baked 3 dozen cupcakes to take to school for (her son's) birthday today only to find out that all baked goods must be store bought and inspected by the school nurse due to allergy concerns :-( "

Oh well now, I mean, really! Let's study this thing for a second. Everyone with sense, and possibly Sean Hannity, knows better than to use any peanut product in a school environment. I'm quite certain that my friend did not use peanut butter or any other substance liable to cause anaphylaxis in a child. Are we to assume that the baker at the Try 'N' Save down at the shopping center is similarly careful? How many times have we heard stories of mislabeled food, such as the times that the food contained peanuts but the label failed to reflect this? Therefore, it might be foolish, with that history, to count on total accuracy from someone who writes things with a squeeze bag:

And then they drag the school nurse into it! Even if the nurse is an RN, is he/she also a certified food inspector or registered sanitarian? Doubtful. And doesn't the nurse have other things to tend to, from that colicky Collins kid in 3rd grade to little Willie, who won't stop sticking his hand into the soda machine in the cafeteria, trying for a free Dr Pepper?

True fact from my past: In my high school, the nurse was named Nurse Payne. For real. I thought it would be cool to have a Driver's Ed teacher named Rex Carr.

But no one else did.

This cupcake thing at school still bugs me. If the school can't trust the moms of its own students to bring wholesome snackage to the classroom, then what's next?

Let's open the floor to the defenders of hypersafety-ism and see how they feel. Please be careful when stepping up to the microphone! Say what you want; just bring me a cupcake.