Pall and Paula

I can't believe that we are going to have to get through the ardors of another American Idol season without Paula Abdul. One can only hope that this "I quit" is some sort of contract ploy being orchestrated (I had hoped to save the use of that phrase for when some orchestra leader was having a contract dispute, but all of our precious baton-wielders seem happily in tune with their employers) by her new manager, one David Sonnenberg, who one minute said she wanted 20 million semolians to come back and then returned with a bargain basement fee of 12 million. In a statement that clearly shows the cogent lucidity with which the ex-Laker Girl would use to comment on the young people who trooped in and out of our lives every spring, Paula said, "With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to IDOL,” on her Twitter page. “I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day 1 become an international phenomenon.”

One thinks of Pernell Roberts , who had to leave Bonanza to play Hamlet or something, and David Caruso, who found NYPD Blue beneath him artistically, and Jimmy Smits, another television performer who saw greater artistic expression playing the aggrieved husband on made-for-Lifetime® movies.

Paula, take this advice: if they offer you more than the minimum wage, stay with AI. I'm out here with the real people of the world, and there is an amazingly small demand for your records and videos, even the ones featuring MC Skat Kat. It's what, two, three nights a week listening to the Adams and the Jasons and the Alexises warble and dance around?

Come on, Paula. You can handle this! I'm saying this because we need you. You know what Randy is going to say about everyone, dawg, and Simon is predictable, too. But Paula brought that "elle ne sait quoi" quality that any Randy/Simon/Kara lineup will lack.

Is this really going to be "Abdul out!" The mind reels.