Exam In Absentia

Opponents of the president's health care plan - they must be related because I hear all their names are Legion - might be encouraged to know that, in the great state of Florida, they have found a way to give a medical exam to people who aren't even around. This should cheer the nay-sayers, because, armed with articles such as this from some outfit called The First Coast News, they can prove that even missing persons can get adequate checkups, as things are currently constituted:

MISSING BOATERS GET CHECKED BY DOCTOR

JACKSONVILLE, FL -- Two boaters who drifted in the Atlantic Ocean for a couple of days are now back on dry land.

Officials with the Jacksonville Port Authority said the men were checked out by a doctor and were on their way back home to the West Palm Beach area late Tuesday night.

Vincent Faulkner and Eric Ross were brought back to shore by a large fuel tanker named the Yasa Seyhan, which was carrying Hess gasoline. Port Manager, Denny Garner, said the tanker found the pair drifting about 70 miles from Jacksonville on Tuesday afternoon.

On Tuesday evening, a First Coast News crew watched the large vessel make it's way under the Dames Point Bridge in Jacksonville.

The U.S. Coast Guard searched by plane and boat for days, and called the rescue a "miracle."

Garner told First Coast News the pair showered, ate, and rested while on the Yasa Seyhan.

Family of the men said they were dehydrated and sunburnt, but in good condition.

Garner said the men told the captain of the Yasa Seyhan they ran out of water and gasoline two days ago, and were then carried away by a storm.

As the tanker pulled into port, First Coast News saw a small, white boat visible on the deck.

Faulkner and Ross declined on-camera interviews after reaching shore. Officials with the Port Authority said they were exhausted and had to see a doctor before returning home.

First Coast News

You can tell this is a first-class news operation, the way they know how to write about watching the ship make "it's" way under the bridge. And that last sentence: "Officials with the Port Authority said they were exhausted..." Why would officials with the Port Authority be exhausted? They weren't the ones out there bobbing around in the ocean!