Ars Gratia Artis

I've said this before, and will say it again right here, that I don't know anything about what I like; all I know is art.

And by that I mean, if you create something and you're fine with it, then that is fine art, my friend. Not for me to say, "Oh this is such and such and not enough of that and this." I found out as a teacher that the best way to grade performance is relative to the person's potential.

And if you create something where there was nothing before, then you are an artist, and that creation ought to be left the heck alone.

I bring this up because when I was a teenager, even though I lived 3,000 miles from the beaches of California, I related to the Beach Boys and their songs. I wasn't musically sophisticated - I wasn't any way sophisticated - but songs such as "When I Grow Up (To Be a Man)", "I Get Around" and "Please Let Me Wonder" were touchstones for me, songs to help me think about the future and my place in it. It would not be an exaggeration to estimate that I listened to the Beach Boys every day for at least the junior high and high school years. Until he lost control of himself, group leader Brian Wilson turned out masterpiece after audio masterpiece for several years.

So I heard "Please Let Me Wonder" a million times (possible slight exaggeration) and I know what it's supposed to sound like. I know exactly at which point during the instrumental break on "Wendy" we hear Mike Love clear his throat before resuming his lead vocal.

I picked up one of the 1,827 (no exaggeration!) Beach Boys compilation CDs today and listened to it.

Some bigheaded audio producer, who would want us to mention his name, reproduced those tracks and several others for this CD re-re-re-re-re-release. The dynamics of the songs are all different (and the cough, which was important as a sign to me that even the great ones such as Brian Wilson could make a mistake and the world did not end - an important lesson for me - is gone from "Wendy" ). Mr Bigdome made some instruments louder, some softer, changed the vocals around, and for what? One assumes to express himself artistically.

Dude, you cannot take someone else's work, play around with it, and expect to be hailed as an artist. Here's what you should do, Mr Audio: get your own band, write songs for them, produce records, and if they're good enough, we'll buy them and like them and have articles about you dating actresses in Star magazine.

I know enough about art to know that children draw mustaches on the Mona Lisa and it's thought to be funny for those who still eat special yogurt. An entire school of home decoration - Wal Mart Danish - is built around giant paintings of dogs playing cards or Homer Simpson sitting at the diner where once sat James Dean. It's low art anyway, so scramble it up a little for the people. But don't mess with my old-school!