Fla Law Flaw

You know, over the years of being happy homeowners, we have had all sorts of people come a-knockin' at the door or ringin' the bell. We've had the old fake story of the guy who had a whole truckload of fish set to deliver to a restaurant, but "the restaurant was closed today," so he had all this nice fresh fish he was willing to let go really cheap! Like a fin for a fish. 

And the remodeler who "just finished a job around the corner" and has "just enough material left over" to half-sole our roof.

The one who promised to cut our cable bill in half. I could do that myself, with scissors.

The ones who were sure we need an energy audit, or new windows, or a coupon book that will save you thousands of dollars, or would, if the merchants listed were cooperating on the deal, or even knew about it.

So if you come to my door, clipboard in half, be prepared to be shown the, uh, door. Unless you're selling doors.

We also can't get enough of those "Florida Man" stories, especially when the man in question is the governor. But enough of him. Let's talk about a drunken shirtless man who went off the beam.

But here comes news of a man in Pensacola, Florida, who showed up drunk and shirtless, going door-to-door in an entire neighborhood, looking for a fight. That was a new one on me. He wound up punching a woman in the head, stealing a pizza, running into a fence, and passing out drunk asleep on it.

The charges against 32-year-old Christopher Doyle Norman are for multiple offenses including home invasion, battery, burglary, larceny, and criminal mischief. As with so many American sagas, it all began when he kicked open the gate to a trailer park.

Then, he saw a woman sitting outside of her mobile home, and punched her upside the head. Before leaving that domicile, he damaged the ladder and exterior door, and then moved on down the line.

Next door he came to, he fell through, winding up in the foyer, where the neighbor asked him to leave, brandishing a hammer to nail down his point. Norman left, all right, but first he threatened to  “come back and burn the trailer down.”

Next up was an apartment complex, where Mr Norman paraded around from door to door, daring the residents to “fight him.” The resident of one apartment shut his door and locked it right in Norman's face, resulting in Norman banging his shoulder into the door, damaging the door and the doorframe.

Next, he came to an apartment with an unlocked door. He challenged the two men inside to fight him, and upped the ante by running around the flat, throwing a lamp at them.

By this time he had worked up a considerable appetite, so he grabbed the pizza and chased one of the men into a bedroom. The other man picked up a telephone to call 911, but Norman grabbed the handset and whomped him on the back of his head. 

The two roomies tried to get away by running outside, but Norman gave chase, all around the apartment complex.

And that's when he ran into the fence and mistook it for a Sealy Posturepedic.

Police came along and rounded Norman up. As they handcuffed him, he made vague threats against them.

Should he decide to run for the Florida legislature, his main campaign plank can be that he is no groomer!