Nothing to Snicker about

Members of the rock band Van Halen used to insist that all the brown M&Ms be removed from the jar of candy they wanted in their dressing room.  They had nothing against brown M&Ms. They just wanted to make some poor soul go through all that candy with tweezers, because being annoying is pretty much what Van Halen did, day in and day out.

That's not going to be an option for anyone soon, because the makers of M&Ms have promised to eliminate artificial dyes from their candy pellets, but they are having trouble getting rid of the blues and the browns. The candymen told the Wall Street Journal, it's turning out to be "expensive" and "difficult."

Two more words that describe Van Halen, if I may say so...

Mars, the people who make M&Ms, were able to make red, orange, and yellow dyes out of natural ingredients like turmeric and beets. (How tasty!) And they came up with a real natural green, but nothing works to make a blue candy coating. They even tried spirulina  - a blue-green algae - as a replacement for blue, but it turned out to be a giant hassle.

And didn't we just go through a whole thing about green algae? And would you want it on your candy???

Getting M&Ms coated in brown uses a lot of blue dye, surprise to hear, so there will be no more brown or blue M&Ms soon.

When the new dye-free M&Ms come out on your grocery shelves, there will only be red, yellow, orange, and green.

Van Halen tribute bands will have to find something else about which to be peculiar.

Up for sale

Do you enjoy prowling thrift stores as I do? I would probably buy all my clothing that way, but my size is hard to come by at Goodwill.

I have to find out where the Ravens drop off last year's wardrobes and go there.

Anyhow, there's a guy named Quinn Brown who knows how to go mining at Value Village, a thrift in his town of  Tigard, Oregon. 

He even goes on Senior Day, although, at 19, he is way short of the discount. It doesn't matter. 

Quinn was there with his twin sister Ellie when he found that diamond in a junk heap that everything would love to encounter. 

Quinn actually find such great things at the thrift shops that he re-sells them at profit. He has turned over nearly 10,000 items over the past four years. But this day, he saw a another teenager pick up a yellow item and then toss it back in the bargain bin.  

Quinn swooped in and grabbed it up, paid $3.07 for it, and it has since been verified as basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain's Los Angeles Lakers warm-up jacket from their 1972 championship run.

He didn't know Wilt Chamberlain from Neville Chamberlain, but with the size of this jacket, he knew it was custom made for a 7-foot man, so he figured he was onto something.

 

Sotheby's has verified the provenance of the jacket. It's legitimate, and is going up for auction soon and might bring in a quarter of a million dollars.

Pretty nice return for a $3.07 investment!

Sunday Rerun: The Sound of a Fury

 The past few Septembers have been dotted with a non-specific sort of agitation, as if something somewhere were missing in my life.  I took inventory of my emotions (confusion, mild rage, skepticism, scorn, delight, joy, happiness and pure bliss) and found them all intact, and then it hit me.

September used to mean new TV shows and new cars.  And not any more, for the most part.

Man, I'm telling you, the time was that TV networks would show promos for new shows coming on right after Labor Day and excitement reigned.  "They're making a 'Dennis The Menace' situation comedy," people screamed! "How many more days must I survive until the premiere of 'CPO Sharkey,' starring Don Rickles?" pondered many.  "I can't wait until that new 'Maury' show comes on!" cried many.  And then it came on, and many more cried.

Now, instead of three networks with new shows that no one wishes to watch, there are 237 networks, and the only shows that people are looking at feature poorly-educated, un-shaven-and-shorn rustics.  We revere televised individuals from whom we would move away, were they to sit next to us in a diner.

This is a Plymouth Fury.  It was not a rocket ship.

And, even worse, do you remember the tiny thrill you got when the new cars came out!  "The new Plymouths have tail fins the size of half a cow!"  "Dad wants to go down to Rustee Ford to look over the new Galaxie 500 XL!" "Is it a Falcon or is it a pickup?"  All these huzzahs rang out every September, in a country not that far away, not that long ago.

Today, the Toyota Camry changes the door on the gas cap every couple of years, and that's about it.  The NASCAR cars all look like the same non-NASCAR cars.  And can you tell me three differences between a Corolla and a Civic?  What in the devil is a Passat, a Tiguan or a Touareg?

Every kid could tell you the difference between the Chevies..the el cheapo Biscayne, the moderately-priced BelAir, the top of the line Impala, and the top of the Impala line, the Impala Super Sport.  Ford, Mercury, Plymouth, Dodge, and the rest of the GM line (Pontiac, Oldsmobile, Cadillac) of cars all had major changes from year to year, and the new models all came out every September, while Liberace never did.

The Saturday Picture Show, July 18, 2026

 

When life was so much simpler...Times Square at night, 1949.

Say hey to "Gus"! He's a 67 million year-old T-Rex skeleton who recently fetched $50.1 MILLION dollars at an auction. And that was just a bare-bones offer.

She decided to beat the high cost of movie snacks by smuggling in her own. It was easy to see through her plan, though.

Here's a debate I will always entertain. When you park in a garage, you're going to have to use Reverse at some point, am I wrong? Why not get it done early? It's easier to leave that way, but the head-first crowd won't see that far into the future.

It would seem that this person has made some bad choices over the years, and wishes to help you avoid his pitfalls. There was a guy around the corner from us who had signs on his yard complaining about the poor quality of his car. Next thing you know, he went out and bought the new model of the same car. There's a lot to say for brand loyalty!

If I were this bird, I would ask for a name upgrade! It's the Common Loon.

Canadian Wildfire smoke is vacationing in the Northeast USA this summer. Please stay indoors and read!

Here is a combination that blends one of our favorite things - a Little Free Library - with the packaging colors and design of Baltimore's own Old Bay seasoning (yes, we put it on everything!)

We are lucky that Maryland borders Pennsylvania, because 80% of American pretzels come from there, and we love our pretzels!

All the ships at sea

I relate to Michael Scurr, a long-time volunteer at Britain’s National Archives. He spends a morning every week foraging through old papers and documents to have them in sort sort of order so that future researchers have easier and more organized access.

I too love to rummage through old papers, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever figure to find something like he did! 

He was sifting through the letters of an 18th-century Royal Navy captain this past May, and came upon a report dated Christmas Eve 1776, when the American privateer (a government-sanctioned non-military boat asea for the purposes of piracy) Dalton was captured. Scurr opened a paper attached to that report (I wonder what they used before paper clips and staples) and saw the word DECLARATION printed on the top of it.

Sure enough, that piece of paper so long stored away has been positively identified as a rare early copy of America’s founding document. It was printed just days after the original was signed on July 4, 1776, and declared to all that the 13 colonies had cut off all ties to Britain.

It is one of just 11 original copies of the so-called Exeter printing of the declaration that are known to exist, and the only one identified outside the United States, the British National Archives said.  This version was printed in Exeter, New Hampshire, between July 16 and 19, 1776.

John Hancock's John Hancock on the paper authorized the ship to disrupt trade and do battle with the British Navy.

And that turned out pretty well, for us.

 

 The thinking is that the captain of the Dalton read the Declaration to the crew of his 18-gun vessel to let them know that they were in the fight and why.

 I would write more today, but I'm going to the basement to go through some old boxes.

Cash Patel

 It was Wednesday, it was warm in Baltimore, and I needed some groceries and prescriptions. I got the Rx'es just fine, but when I went to pay for the food, things went down the disposal.

The young male cashier roused himself from his daze so he could tell me the total: $31.35.

I said fine, here's what I'm going to do. I gave him a 50, a one, a quarter and a dime. He looked as if I had tried to pay with ancient pieces of eight from a treasure chest, so I tried to coach him, saying, just enter the amount I gave you and see how it comes out.

Next thing I know, he's digging in the drawer for a ton of change. I said there should be no coins involved here; you owe me twenty flat.

"But I forgot to ring up the dime, so your change is $19.90 because I can't go back and add it in."

I looked at him with disbelief. He wasn't arrogant or anything, just monumentally unconcerned with doing his job.

I said, "Take that dime out of your hand. Put it in the drawer along with all that change you were trying to give me. Hand me a twenty-dollar bill. Then you're square and I'm square and we can all go on with our lives."

He did just that. Now I have to see a chiropractor because my neck hurts from all this headshaking.

The Gums of Navarone

 Elvis Presley became the King of Rock because he brought something to this earth that blended many types of music with his own talents as a singer and performer.

His family is now represented by one Navarone Garibaldi. Navarone is Elvis's first wife Priscilla’s son with her second husband. Navarone is also the half brother of Elvis's only child, Lisa Marie.

Last week, Navarone started a GoFundMe out of his driveway in Los Angeles. He wants your money to help him kick off an “affordable organic pizza” business.

He's looking for $5,500 to buy an industrial pizza oven. Naturally, given the fortune that the Presley family sits on, people are wondering why he doesn't just go to his mom with his hand out and ask for a handout.

Priscilla and Navarone.

People just jumped all over him on Instagram after he put out the GoFMe, and Navarone said, “Haters gonna hate… and I’m sure I’ll have to explain this many more times to ignorant people who think I should ‘ask my mom’ or that I have money….. YEAH, I also have a lot of bills, I also have a budget.”

And he told TMZ, “She loves the idea but I can’t ask for money for every whimsical idea I have or we both would be broke.” 

He also told TMZ he is confident that once he has that pizza oven up and cranking out the pies, his 81-year-old mother will swing by for a slice or two.

Our National Pizza Desk will keep an eye on this story for you. Meanwhile, up in Heaven, Elvis must be heaving a mighty sigh, baby.

 

Just can't take it

 Boy howdy, those farm stands really have everything nowadays! Tomatoes, cucumbers, corn, chard, lettuce, onions, carrots, blueberries, raspberries, video cameras....

Ooops! The man you see here heaping fruits and veggies into a tote sack did not know about that last thing, or he would not have tried to rip the farmer off by loading up with produce and hitting the road.

The cameras worked great, and so did the shaming, because the farmer showed the videos on Facebook and asked if anyone knew this man, wearing Fire Department hat and shirt, and by the next morning, the farmer was able to report that the guy showed up and paid his debt.

It was interesting to follow along on Facebook. Most people said it was shameful, and represented that certain sense of entitlement to which no one is entitled, be they firefighter, police, teacher, whatever.  You don't get to steal food.

But some people were saying that maybe the man was confused and thought the stuff was out there for free. This is the new style of bending over backward to adjust our moral compasses that many are employing. 

"It's ok to steal from where I work because it's part of my pay, or should be."

"Everyone is cheating on their taxes/vehicle registration/final exams/spouse, so why should I be the only one not doing it?"

"It's only a crime if you get caught."

"It's a victimless crime anyway; no one gets hurt."

"They expect a certain amount of shrinkage or pilferage anyway and they adjust the prices up, so I'm already paying for it."

"I give them plenty of business all year; time for a freebie."

To which I say, no, no, no, no, no, and no. I hope this guy, even though he finally paid up, is being shunned by his friends who work and pay for what they get.

I'd be ashamed to know him.

She had it her way

 You see this ten-story office building in Glen Burnie, Maryland? 

It's called Empire Towers, and this is an old picture of it. A new picture would show zero cars on the parking lot and barricades all around. The building was deemed structurally unsafe last week. Apparently, people have been working on the underground parking garage and the building's moorings are not quite up to holding the building up, so even if there's a bank branch in there, no one can hold that up either. It's a huge deal down in Glen Burnie, legendary home of Maryland's Motor Vehicle Administration and 47 car dealers in a two-block radius. Nearby businesses are closed until someone figures it all out.

You see the Burger King right next door (also currently closed)? Therein lies a tale. I worked around the corner at  WISZ  AM-FM from 1973 to 1978. I started out on the evening shift. Most nights I would pack some sort of lunch - a little salad, some lunchmeat, Potato Stix (I still love them!), maybe a Pop-Tart. BUT every now and then, I would skip packing a lunch and hit the BK for something substantial, maybe a Double Whopper, large fries, a vanilla shake.

I packed about 160 lbs on a 6' 5" frame then, so calories were not a concern.

You know the drill at places like the King: order, pay, and wait to get your chow in a bag. And so it was that one day I was waiting for my BA order, along with a hippie-looking girl who ordered a plain hamburger and a soda.

My order came up, the guy slid it across the counter at me, and BAM! The freakazoid snagged my bag the way Brooks Robinson used to pick up hot ground balls, and then she ran out the door like Ed Reed after an interception. 

The guy at the counter looked like this was not a first. He remade my order and I was on my way to play Conway Twitty records very happily, and as far as I know, her original order is still sitting there.

If Burger King ever opens up, if Empire Towers doesn't collapse, it's probably still there waiting for her.

Sunday rerun: I'll have a Danish

 The other night, watching the Orioles game, Peggy jokingly referred to left fielder Heston Kjerstad as "Kierkegaard," and a good time was had by all.

Now, Søren Kierkegaard was a Danish theologian, philosopher, poet, social observer, and Christian author. He was only around for 42 years (1813 - 1855) but in that short life, he founded what is called the philosophical school known as existentialism.

"Søren The K"

Existentialism is often confused or misidentified as the very concept of existence. You're likely to see this among the blurbs on the back covers of cheesy novels in whose scenarios frustrated, unfulfilled suburbanites seek the meaning of life as they pilot their Range Rovers home from Whole Foods..."Walston was struck by the existential nature of life, realizing that if he hadn't joined the water polo team at Yale, he would never have known the love of Heather, whose father owned a chain of lumberyards in the Fair Hills area."

Walston's imaginary plush life notwithstanding, Existentialism holds that we have the freedom and responsibility to make the right choices to lead our lives down successful, proper paths.

In other words, "If it is to be, it is up to me."

The most notable existentialists include Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Martin Heidegger, Jean-Paul Sartre, Albert Camus, Simone de Beauvoir, and Orioles color commentator Ben McDonald, who pointed out in a game this past Saturday against the Tigers that each player is responsible for his own performance. 

And therein lies the meaning of life! 

Ben McDonald can hold 7 baseballs in his hand.

The Saturday Picture Show, July 11, 2026

 

One might think that this woman is suffering an unbearable loss or a soul-rending tragedy. But no. She's just cheesed off because the officials are telling her and her party they had to leave the Freedom 250 site last Saturday in DC. If you'll recall, tremendous storms with wind and rain came in and did some damage. But she chose to stand her ground because she wanted to see the fireworks. Even her daughter knows better.

My suggestion (and I am full of them): Change the name of the company to "Schindler's Lifts."

On the other hand, try telling these birds they have to vacate their perch. It's written right there!

After all these years, people still line up to view the tomb of Ramses II.

One simple comma or colon would have changed this from something funny to a lesson for those who want to keep all their extremities.

Hot a-mighty! That is my favorite salad right there. Hold the greens, Mabel!

Well, Daniel L, I can understand, because when I was a little tacker, they said I always got carried away. I can't tell you how many owls it took!

Did the person who named this bucolic grove know what happened the last time the Donner Party camped out for a picnic?

"If you're going to commit serious crimes,  A) don't talk about your plans out loud and B) make sure no one is recording you when you do." Good advice from beyond the grave from Richard Nixon, whose Oval Office shenanigans were recorded for posterity and prosecutors on this very machine.

The Dodgers had their annual Pride Night last month. Not all of the boys were grown up enough to participate and wear the rainbow hat that 24 of the 26 players wore. Here's pitcher Blake Treinen, # 49, on the right, who just can't bear the thought of two people  being able to express their sexuality the way he does. To Blake and all the other pearl-clutchers out there, here is my chant: "I am straight and the hat looks great!"

The Dressing Room

A Swedish 24-year-old named Elsa Thora, in our country for the World Cup, seems to be the one who kicked off the avalanche of fan support for our Ranch Dressing. “Why did no one tell me ranch sauce is like crack?” 

Unfortunate drug comparison aside, ranch is popular here, and, apparently, unknown in Europe. We usually call it ranch dressing, but make no mistake; it has been America's favorite salad dressing since 1992, when it overtook Italian. 

Ranch dressing is a sassy mix of buttermilk, salt, garlic, onion, black pepper, and herbs, stirred into a creamy sauce. It was first mixed up by one Steve Henson, a plumbing contractor working in Alaska, where he fed his crews a lot of salad with his homemade dressing. He retired from the plumbing business and moved to California, where he bought a ranch where guests could stay for a visit. He opened a steakhouse and served (you guessed it) a lot of salads, started selling his dressing on the side, and soon reached a point where he was able to give up renting rooms, and concentrate on selling his sauce. The rest is dressing history. The stuff is everywhere, in America, at least. But...

And now Thora, who is quite the social media influencer, is all over the board after proclaiming “EUROPE WE NEED RANCH ASAP.”  Thousands "liked" her post and thousands more tried to take bottles of the white stuff home with them, only to run afoul of the Federal Air Traffic Armed Security Service.

F*A*T*A*S*S responded and told international travelers to pack their smuggled bottles in their checked bag, and Kraft Foods published a picture of regulation-compliant mini-packets of ranch, although no one has seen any of them coming through the scanner line.

And I'm over here reaching for Trader Joe's Romano Italian dressing.

Lookie here

Judiciary note: I found it interesting that a man was found not guilty in Towson District Court after being charged with two Peeping Tom charges.

There's no doubt that the man on trial, Johnnie Wade Jr, was looking into a first-floor window at the Donnybrook Apartments in Towson. Two women who lived in the apartment testified that they caught him peering in.

Judge Krystin Richardson found Wade not guilty on both charges. She said the prosecutors failed to prove that he actually saw any of the three women who lived in the flat, so he was not really peeping at anyone.

This peeping and creeping has been going on for almost a year in this apartment complex, and the police worked with the community to catch these creeps, only to have the first to be tried beat the rap because no one was seen.

State’s Attorney Scott Shellenberger said there are two other men who were caught loitering with intent to peep around the complex, and now he doesn't know if there will be any change to those charges after this ridiculous decision.

Céilí Doyle reported in The Banner that Shellenberger said, “I have never felt that there had to be somebody in the room,” he said. “If you’re crawling up to the room, and you’re looking in, your intent is to see the person.”

The three men were charged with misdemeanors under a law that says you break the law by conducting “visual surveillance of an individual in a private place without the consent of that individual.”

Make me the judge, and I will find that if you break into a safe, only to find it empty, you are still just as guilty as if you had found a pile of hundred dollar bills big enough to choke a horse. 

But I'm not a fancy lawyer or anything, just a man trying to carve out a little frontier justice here on the prairie.

And I can't help but feel that the judge would have found him guilty if his name were Tom, but that's just me.

 

Not funny

Last week, a United Airlines flight going from Newark, N.J., to Palma de Mallorca, Spain, did not get to its destination before the pilot hung a uey and went back to New Jersey.

It was all because there appears to have been a suspiciously named Bluetooth device on board.

And they were 4 hours and 24 minutes into what was supposed to be an eight-hour flight!

 

The friendly skies of United said in an email to NPR that the flight turned around "to address a potential security concern." Posts on social media from other passengers said that a Bluetooth device on board the plane was the problem.  

All anyone knew was that the flight attendants were asking everyone to shut off their devices, and this communication was overheard on air traffic control radio:

 "There's a security detail out there, someone had a Bluetooth speaker and they named it a certain four-letter word," another voice responded. "So they have to inspect the whole aircraft including the cargo area [and] passengers have to evacuate."

It turns out that the four-letter word was not a curse word per se, but some genius named his Bluetooth network "Bomb."

Smart, son.

Everything was checked out and the flight took off again, missing a few hours of Sangria time and getting to Palma de Mallorca nine and a half hours late.

I hope it's not a problem that I named my wifi "IT HURTS WHEN IP." 

Kindness abounds

A friend mentioned this on Facebook and it really struck me as being a wonderful gesture. Up in my second favorite state, New Jersey, in the town of Morristown, right there on South St, there's a nice looking place called the Swiss Chalet Bakery and Cafe. 

As you might have heard, we here on the east coast of the USA took it on the chin over the Fourth of July, and the Fifth, and some of us, on the Sixth. Typical July...hot, sunny and humid all day, and then storm clouds, followed by thunder, lightning, heavy winds, torrential sheets of rain, and the worst...trees and wires down, property damage, the whole sad panoply of summer problems. 

I saw a guy on Facebook musing that it's a good thing all that rain wasn't snow, because it's just too hot to shovel snow.

Anyway - this cafe, the Swiss Chalet, they took care of their neighbors, many of whom have had no power for several days and have lost their food and supplies and even more, sadly, They offered up a breakfast sandwich or pastry with water or coffee FOR FREE!

Here in Maryland, the legislature just passed a law prohibiting "surge pricing," which is when greedy moneygrubbers figure "people are in need, so let's fleece them and charge 40 dollars for a bacon/egg sammy." You will see those people in hell someday, so don't go there! And they will not be from Maryland as of last week.

As my friend said, "What a sensational gift for people of Morristown who maybe worked overtime cutting down trees and clearing brush, or assisting with flooded basements!"

I've only been outside of the US once, and even that sparked an international conflict, so I am no globetrotter, but I believe it is such a quintessential American thing to help our neighbors like this. So the next time I'm in Morristown, NJ, I'm off to the Swiss Chalet for a nice "Barbarian" Cream donut, as we say here in Baltimore.

Ya Got Trouble?

 I really enjoy recording old movies on the DVR and watching them as we wish, sometimes over and over for a year (after which time, Comcast disappears them.)

And I really hit the jackpot on Saturday with TCM showing "A Hard Day's Night" and "The Music Man."  "Hard Day's Night" takes me back to when the Beatles first happened along to warm our hearts and souls with vivid, tender music, such a balm after JFK was shot. I was 13 then, 1964, and you know teenagers have always had a thing for rebellion and being just a little bunch of smart alex. (I stole that from Ring Lardner)

In the 50s, James Dean and Elvis were the role models, all curly sneery lips and insouciant bearings. In the 60s, The Beatles taught us a whole new way to sass our elders.

Stuffy old uptight man on train:  "Don't take that tone with me, young man. I fought the war for your sort." 

 Ringo Starr: "I bet you're sorry you won."

And besides the wonderful music from Robert Preston, Shirley Jones, the Buffalo Bills* and the others in "The Music Man," there was the story of a career swindling con man who "got his foot caught in the door" of love and finally cut out the cheating and fooling. An all-time classic, and the home of the first rap song ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2ySBtVLCYA

 *Not THOSE Buffalo Bills!

Sunday rerun: Not Taylor Swift!

 Zac Taylor is the coach of the Cincinnati Bengals football team. I'm sure I'm not the only football fan who wonders if he were named for the 12th president of the United States, and if the coach avoids cold milk and cherries.

What, now? President Zachary Taylor (1784 - 1850) spent his final Fourth of July on the land in Washington DC where the Washington Monument was to be built. He had only served 16 months at the time. Remember, sanitation and hygiene were primitive in those days, and maybe it would have been better if he had not gobbled a lot of cherries and cold milk on that scorching hot day.

Cholera, the killer disease borne by bacteria, was not uncommon at all in the 19th century, especially in hot weather in areas of poor sewage systems. What it was that caused the president to become ill is still in doubt. Perhaps it was cholera, perhaps gastroenteritis from all those acidic cherries mixed with milk. It might even have been food poisoning or typhoid fever that felled Taylor, a Mexican War hero, but his last four days were full of sickness (cramping, diarrhea, nausea and dehydration) and an agonizing death that his doctors attributed to cholera morbus, a bacterial infection of the small intestine.

Zachary Taylor

Millard Fillmore succeeded Taylor as president, and we can assume that he avoided dangerous foods. He was unable to secure his Whig party's nomination to run for president in 1852. His wife caught a cold at the 1853 inauguration of Franklin Pierce, who won that election, and died of pneumonia soon thereafter...and his only daughter died of cholera in 1854.

I'll have a happier story for you on Monday. Until then, watch what you eat! 

The Saturday Picture Show, Semiquincentennial Edition, July 4, 2026

 

We remember 1976, the Bicentennial, and how Baltimore's Inner Harbor was packed with people to see the tall ships. Four years later, Harborplace opened, and for years, every weekend down there was packed like 1976. But that shopping destination has fallen, the way all malls are either closing or tottering on the brink thereof. An interesting future awaits. We're doing a July 4-themed picture show this week.

Out in far Western Maryland, boaters float on Deep Creek Lake for the holiday.

Even in the smallest towns across the nation, banners fly and hopes soar.

We are under a heat dome these days, so uniforms like these, snazzy as they may be, are hazardous to the marchers. Stay cool and hydrated.

And for the love of Pete, if you insist on being around fireworks, leave it to the professionals. This house being destroyed would still be standing, except that someone thought they knew what they were doing with bottle rockets.

We love baseball, hot dogs, and deep fried apple pie, just like Mom used to deep fry.  McDonald's is bringing these back for a limited time, just because we missed them.

Here you go, the way it should be.  A neighborhood display at the park, with professionals lighting the way.

This is not what it seems to be! This is a roast beef sundae, with mashed taters and gravy!

Back in the days of reading newspaper, I was often hollered at for reading a paper and then reaching into the Kelvinator, leaving black fingerprints from the printer's ink. 250 years later, we still don't know who left prints on this early hand copy of the Declaration of Independence.

It's still a grand old flag.

"I need a love to keep me happy" - Keith Richards

When it comes to happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky will be glad to tell you how to find it and keep it. After all, she is a distinguished professor of psychology at the University of California at Riverside, and she's been at this chase for 30 years now, studying happiness and how to keep it around.

Pro tip from Dr Lyubormirsky - it ain't easy!

She says it's one thing to know the basics, such as maintaining connections with other humans, staying exercised, meditating, but knowing how to fit it all into your life while you're working, shopping for food, taking the Dodge to the dealer for new tires...it's a lot.

Connecting with people, exercising regularly, meditating — all of these research-backed strategies to improve health and happiness take effort. Like many of us, said it’s challenging to fit it all in.

Like so many in her line, Lyubomirsky wrote a book for you to read, called “The How of Happiness.” 

Here's how!

• Exercise every day, even if only for a half a minute. It's invigorating.  
• Reach out to people, literally. Being social makes us happier.
• Go beyond small talk. Lyubomirsky says, “So many of us are really hesitant to share ourselves and it just seems scary." Learn to be honest and vulnerable when sharing your thoughts.
• Practice spirituality, because people who identify as religious are happier, according to research.
• Breathe deeply. Breathing exercises can calm us down. And in times of anxiety, consciously slowing our breathing will take our body to a more physiologically relaxed place. 
• List the good things. She says you don't have to maintain a formal gratitude journal, but just keeping a running list of good things coming your way on your phone or pc is a benefit.

So what I'm going to do, is start my list with Professor Lyubomirsky's list!

 

"Mahomes, party of two"

What was rumored since last summer is happening - your English teacher is marrying your gym teacher: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are going to tie the knot!

With my luck, our invitation will arrive next week. Our mail is notoriously slow and misguided, so if Travis and Taylor sent us a wedding invite, it might not be here in time.

The whole barn dance will take place at the Madison Square Garden up New York Way, apparently on Friday into the yawning on Saturday, and you know the rules are strict for us guests: dress to impress, black tie, no cellphones (they will be confiscated at the door, just like the schools are going to do this year).

I have a black tie left over from my uniform. It's nice, a polyester clip-on, and with a bottle of ReNuzIt, I can probably get most of the stains out in time.

Trav 'n' Tay took out a permit for between 500 - 999 people, and some mighty big names are on the roster: George Kittle, Andy Reid, Graham Norton, Suki Waterhouse*, Ed Sheeran, Zoë Kravitz, Jack Antonoff, and Stevie Nicks.

Kittle told some magazine that Trav laid down the law: absolutely no gifts. You're telling me they don't need a toaster oven or an iron or an Oster Osterizer!? Everybody needs something! Big reader that he probably is, Travis could use a Barnes & Noble gift card, and what bride doesn't want a one-year supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat?

I'll tell you everything, soon as I can!

* Who, now?

We're havin' a heat wave....

It always amazes me when weather events that every Ava, Steve, and Abigail have talked about for days on end take some people by surprise.

"I didn't hear anything about severe thunderstorms/a blizzard/a long intense heat wave!" they holler. They can tell you what happened on "Let's All Eat!" or whatever else they see on the Food Channel, but the weather, nah.

So, just so's you know...there will be a big heat wave for this upcoming Fourth of July weekend in the mid-Atlantic area. Temperatures will be dangerously high, and don't even ask about the humidity!

It's a heat dome - the fancy name for a hot air mass - that's been headed eastward for a week or so. It's traveling eastbound on I-70 and I-81, stopped at Waffle House and Buc-ees, and will be here unpacking its sweaty luggage starting today!

The heat index, driven mad by humidity, might scorch out at 115.

 

 

Read and heed! Take precautions, take ice, take breaks, take off for the beach!