Mad Max

Years from now, we will look back on the early days of the pandemic and shake our heads ruefully. No one will have happy stories, except for the occasional person who had a total stranger give them their place in the vaccine line, or the lucky winner of a state lottery that Maryland, among others, began running in order to persuade people to take medicine that might even, I don't know, save their lives.

On the down side, we will remember the horror stories of how we Americans behaved in malls, and medical offices, and on trains, planes, and automobiles. I remember seeing this joker on the news last summer.

It's not Blue Berry, or Rasp Berry, or Lingon Berry...it's Max Berry! He's the man who had to be duct-taped to his seat on a plane. The report said he was getting all grope-y and grabby with the flight attendants, instead of sitting his arse in a seat and enjoying the ride. 

Max, all of 23, pleaded guilty to three counts of "assault within maritime and territorial jurisdiction." They could have thrown the book at him and given him eighteen months and a fine of $15,000, but Max doesn't like being around books, so he wound up getting hit with 60 days in the IronBar Hilton, plus a year of supervised release, says ABC News.

For whatever reasons, last July 31, Max decided to fly to Miami via Frontier Airlines. He got all soused up, spilled his drink on himself and a flight attendant, and then went into the restroom, coming out with no shirt on anymore.

That came from the People magazine report last summer, and they were quoting from court documents, you see.

“Shut the ---- up,” he hollered at one of the attendants as someone's phone camera recorded his tirade. He then felt compelled to point out that his “parents are worth more than ----ing 2 million god---n dollars.”

And now that everyone on the plane knew for sure that he wasn't just a rakehell but also a RICH rakehell, he ordered a fourth drink and brushed his filthy hand across a female flight attendant’s backside “inappropriately.” 

As if there is an appropriate way to do that!

And then, his inner Rocky emerged, and he punched another female attendant.

Out came the duct tape, and the crew settled his hash by fastening him to his seat with grey tape.

 ABC News reported that Berry expressed remorse, took responsibility and apologized at his trial.

And by the way, if you are planning to attend law school, that's where they will teach you to say things like this to make your reprobate clients look decent and upright: 

“Max Berry is a good man who committed a bad act, that was not planned, it was committed in an unsophisticated manner, and it is an aberration.” 

His lawyer filed that statement in court documents.

"Objection, your honor!"