Sunday Rerun: Tales of Brave Ulysses

 President Ulysses S. Grant was still in office when he got in trouble with the law. 

Now, Ulysses was a war hero, having been the leader of the Union troops in the American Civil War (1861 - 1865) who sent the Confederate running home, no longer able to own other human beings. (They're still mad about it.)

Grant was a brilliant military tactician, outfoxing Confederate General Robert E. Lee time after time, but he did like to hit the sauce now and then.

And then, he would get behind the reins of his horse and buggy and haul ass around the streets of Washington. It was on M Street, to be precise, where Grant was stopped several times in 1872 by Officer William H. West. West, a formerly enslaved person, was one of two Black police officers on the DC force at the time when he saw Grant speeding around. 

The first time, West allowed Grant to pay a fine and walk home to the White House, but the very next day, West (like Grant, a Civil War veteran) caught the president breaking the law again and took action.

"I am very sorry, Mr. President, to have to do it, for you are the chief of the nation and I am nothing but a policeman, but duty is duty, sir, and I will have to place you under arrest," West said, according to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund. 

Grant was released on $20 bond ($430 in 2023 money). 

The Washington Evening Star newspaper wrote about the arrest in 1908. West retired in 1901 and lived another 14 years, telling the Star, "The General's Love for Horses and His Pleasure in Driving Were the Cause of His Trouble."

Things change, but not too much.

The Saturday Picture Show, June 20, 2026

 

So the rumors are true! People have been talking about it and now the confirmation: Eastpoint Mall, on Baltimore County's east side, is closing in August, the latest victim of Amazon, big box stores, and people's reluctance at being in an enclosed area with gun-carrying lunatics. There was a time you could hardly park a car anywhere on that lot, and the crowds were happy, buying tank tops and Nikes and books and candy and I don't know what-all else, but you can get all that delivered right to your house now. Who knows what will end up in the mall space? They're closing all over the country.

Ralph, on the left, is often stopped and told he looks a lot like someone. That someone is his eleventh cousin, our sixteenth president, Honest Abe Lincoln.

I'm not going in those woods! It's all full of beetles and stuff.

Don't go to Paris and try to rip off a croissant, buddy. The vaunted Roller Brigade will skate you down, eh?

Here is this week's free wallpaper. It reminds of the farmhouse from the vision test at My Eye Doctor.

You get one shot at having your customer ID card made at Costco. If you sneeze, too bad.

I don't even know if Ball's Gro. is still open. I wouldn't shop there on a windy day for fear of getting hit by a flying Pepsi sign. The whole place puts me in mind of the grocery store holdup in "My Cousin Vinny."

To be really accurate, one of these Beetles should have no tires on.

I can't figure out why "Pride Month" gets so many people upset. Any time it's mentioned on Facebook or anywhere else, the uptight brigade hitches up their suspenders and takes to the keyboard. Settle down, Archie. It's almost July. 

This is diner food deluxe! Chicken-fried steak and gravy, mashed potatoes with more gravy, and a fruit salad. Toss a little pepper on that and slide it down my way, please!

Today is Friday, June 19: Juneteenth 2026, The is the sixth anniversary of the Juneteenth federal holiday. It marks the day in 1865 when enslaved people in Galveston, Texas, were officially informed of their emancipation - yes, more than two years after President Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation.

It's hard to imagine anything worse than being held in slavery. But being freed and not being told about it for two years...

Today is a paid federal holiday. Most government offices, banks, libraries, and post offices will be closed. Nationwide, more than 30 states recognize Juneteenth as a legal state holiday. In our state and around our area, organizations are heralding the day with festivals, concerts, educational programs, family activities, and community celebrations.

In Baltimore County, from 3 til 8 pm today, there will be a free and vibrant community celebration at the Benjamin Banneker Historical Park and Museum, 300 Oella Avenue Catonsville, Maryland 21228.

And Baltimore's 50th Annual AFRAM Festival takes place over three days during Juneteenth weekend: today through Sunday, June 21, 2026.  The free, family-friendly event is held at Druid Hill Park. Festival hours:

Friday, June 19: 3:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Saturday, June 20: 12:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Sunday, June 21: 12:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. 

more info: aframbaltimore.com

However, wherever you celebrate human freedom and dignity, please be safe!

Why I love history, reason # 182,930

One of the gags I have repeated is the one about the guy who lost his job at the fire hydrant factory because he could never find a place to park.

That's a joke, but this is true. In 1836, there was a fire at the Blodget Hotel Bldg in Washington, D.C. That December 15 blaze marked the first of two major fires the U.S. Patent Office has dealt with over the years. The patent office had its offices in the hotel, and thousands of documents made ashes of themselves.

The Blodget Hotel

AND...the original US patent paperwork for early fire hydrants was destroyed in that fire, so think of it - the paperwork for one of our most useful firefighting innovations was destroyed in a fire!

 A little something else - remember how the British burned down a lot of buildings in the War of 1812? Someone was able to talk them out of burning down that hotel. Then in 1820, a slate roof was added to the hotel, and a fire engine was purchased to protect the building. Fire engines in those days were not like how we picture them today; they were hand or horse-drawn and relied on humans to pump the water. 

But the local volunteer fire company stationed at the hotel lost interest in firefighting when all this fire-prevention techniques were added. The engine was moved down the street, but no one wanted to volunteer, so when the fire broke out in the Patent Office, no manpower showed up to extinguish it.

One more hoary old punchline: "If we had ham, we could have had ham and eggs, if we had eggs."

One-Two-Three-Four!

People are often amazed that I remember when The Beatles came to save America from the post-Kennedy assassination blues/post-Eisenhower lethargy. 

But that was 1964, when they were young, cheeky blokes from Liverpool, Now, as the years have rolled by, we've lost John Lennon (standard American gun murder) and George Harrison (cancer).  That leaves Paul McCartney (83) and Ringo Starr (85) and, let's face it, they're not getting any younger. 

There is always talk of a Beatles tontine, and no, that's not an Italian dessert. A tontine is an arrangement in which members of a group pool money, and the last survivor collects the whole pot. I don't guess that either Paul or Ringo need money.

I'm not inclined to wager, so I wouldn't bet a nickel on which of the Fab Two would be around to cash in all the chips. There's no indication that a tontine exists between them. However, since Americans are willing to bet on anything, such as the exact temperature reading at the kickoff of Super Bowl, so I have to figure there is money on the "who's next - who's last?" topic in the Las Vegas betting books.

I have my hunch. Not to be morbid, but what do you think? 

  

Got a light?

First of the season! I saw a couple of lightning bugs (AKA fireflies, or the popular Baltimore variation "Lightening" bugs) when I was hauling the garbage out last night. Cute little girls and guys, they are, and they use bioluminescence to light up. And they're out in summer, but they don't get overheated, because they use 99% of their energy to produce light, rather than heat. They carry around a supply of a compound called luciferin (note the root word "Lucifer"!) and mix that with an enzyme called luciferase, and presto: Light!

They only live for a couple of weeks, so they get right down to business, which in their cases is the old mating game. And there are lots of species of lightning bugs, each with its own unique flash pattern and flight path. This is how they make sure they are signaling the right kind of potential mate with their on-off lights. 

And they spend up to two years as larvae, living in leaf litter and happily gobbling snails, slugs, and worms, before they get to spread their wings and live it up!

And while the common lore around here in the east is that the western part of the USA does not play host to lightning bugs, the fact is, western fireflies do exist- but nature did not equip them with the chemicals that would make them glow. So they are out there zipping around, but they don't light up.

The more you know about fireflies, the more you start to realize that maybe nature is trying to tell humans to use more of their energy to produce more light and less heat. Hmmm.

A little ruff on the soccer field

 They're getting ready to have soccer games in Canada as part of the World Cup, featuring humans from Canada and nations all over the globe.  And geese from Canada. They fly overhead and might even land on the field (the "pitch," as soccer fans call it) and however they travel, they are bound to leave their little ...biscuits behind.

That's no way to play important games of soccer ("football," as soccer fans call it), having to dodge geese droppings. 

Canadians being infinitely resourceful (they found a way to make Geddy Lee and Rush famous), the grounds crew at a  World Cup practice pitch in Etobicoke’s Centennial Park found a way to keep the field unpoopulated.

They use dogs, working canines employed by Border Control Bird Dogs, out of  Sterling, Ontario.

Soccer dog "Ben" reporting for duty

This is Gareth Williams's business. He has taught the hounds to "haze" the geese, instead of chasing them. Williams says this “reeducates” the birds. By convincing the geese that there are predators in the area, this keeps them away, so it's considered a humane way of keeping birds off grassy areas.

“The dogs crouch down and stalk the geese, as they would traditionally for sheep and moving livestock,” Williams told CTV News Toronto. “Geese then start thinking the border collies are predators in that area, and it encourages them to leave.”

Williams has a five-dog squad that he dispatches around the province, at golf courses, schools, cemeteries, and any other type of large, open green space. The premise is that "they’re fighting nature with nature, ” as he puts it.

Down here in the states, we would just send hoodlum dogs to tell the geese to "get outta town if you know what's good for you, see?" They're more restrained north of the border!

Sunday Rerun: If you can't say something nice...

  Oh, how nice it would be if talented people were allowed to enjoy their lives, sharing their blessings and making people happy. 

I'm thinking of Karen Carpenter, the singer who performed with her brother Richard in the 70s and 80s. Her velvety contralto voice sweetened the air as The Carpenters had hit after hit. She comes to mind today because I read an interview with the late great Hal Blaine, the drummer who kept the beat on the greatest songs of the rock and roll era. 

As Karen and Richard began making records, she was the drummer, and his keyboards provided accompaniment to her divine singing. But her drumming, although good, was not great, and Herb Alpert, head of their record company, brought Blaine in to spice up the beat.

Hal arrived at the studio to find opposition from...the mother of Karen and Richard, who sought to make the decisions, musical and otherwise, for the duo. Blaine said that Mrs Carpenter was telling Richard he was the star, and had little regard for Karen's talent. She wanted him in the spotlight and Karen behind the drums, while she was ten times better as a singer than drummer. 

They wound up making great records, but Karen was never made to feel worthy. No wonder she developed the eating disorder that would cut her life way too short.

No one asked me for advice, but if you have a child who displays talent at some creative venture, how about encouraging them, and urging them to do their best? Why hurt them by belittling them?

The Saturday Picture Show, June 13, 2026

 

You never know what you're going to find when you tear out some old drywall. Someone finished their quart of lunch and walled off the evidence. 

Do you want to tell her? I didn't think so! 

This is from a sandwich shop in Vancouver, Canada. They really know how to draw the celebrities! Liam showed up for his free sammy.

I admit, I stole the joke, but I once left a message for someone who worked for another County office, stating "Arrived Venice, streets flooded, please advise." It was Robert Benchley's gag a hundred years ago, and yet it still fooled someone in Towson, Maryland, 40 years ago.

Speaking of county employees, it seems that about half of the retirees have decamped for sunny Florida. Not I, and this is why. The closest we come to this beast is some of our larger mosquitoes.

This sign says "NO BIKE PARKING" in Dutch. So here are people scoffing at it in two languages. Meanwhile, the only Dutch word I know is "treat."

The water of the Pacific ocean created this arch in Maui. It took time, sure, but it's way to remind us to be patient with nature and with ourselves.

This will make a nice free wallpaper this week, especially for someone such as I who loves red barns, the older the better.

When you think about the creation of the universe (and you should!) remember that decision was made as to how many gills (or lamellae) should go under the head of a mushroom. 

A couple of drivers' test examiners are going to have great times at dinner if someone asks them if anything interesting happened at work today.

I think I'll call myself "Judge Knott"

The guy who got between me and my goal (the checkout line at LIDL) wanted to bend my ears awhile about how man disrespects God by thinking we are as smart as He is.

I don't think that. I don't even think I'm as smart as the Pope, but I saw no point in having a theological discussion with this guy, so I took a clever shortcut around him and started piling my goods on the belt.

He pulled out all the greatest hits ("God will not be mocked," "Judge not lest ye be judged") but he found no willing dialog partner in me. I was there for paper supplies, foamy hand soap, bacon, and toothpaste, and I paid for all that and scooted out the door. Loaded up the car and went to back up, and there stood a woman directly behind my car. I did that thing where you put it in park and back into reverse to catch her attention, but then I noticed she was intently listening to that same man. After he stowed his purchases, he took her cart and put it right in the middle of a parking spot. Together, they piled into their car and creaked off, presumably in search of more people to annoy.

Not the actual cart!

God never told anyone to leave their cart in the middle of the consarned parking lot, either. It's annoying that people who have so much to say about everything can't abide by the simplest of niceties.

Support Group

Donkeys know what I, and countless others who dodder around on aging legs, know, and that is, you can't beat a nice pair of support socks. Soccer players wear special socks that prevent slipping, wick away sweat, and cushion the feet to prevent cramping.

Donkeys would also agree that the Arsenal Football Club is not only a perennial winner but also a generous group of humans. They saw that they had tons of unworn socks sitting around in the locker room, and donated them to the Redwings Horse Sanctuary, the largest horse welfare society in Britain. Donkeys now clamber around wearing socks that both protect their legs and help them to heal from injuries.

“It’s really one of the most unusual donations we’ve ever had,” said Nicola Knight, the sanctuary’s head of communications and campaigns. She deals with around 1,000 equines, none of whom have indicated a preference for socks other than red ones. Horses rarely complain!

And besides the comfort of having the leg muscles wrapped up tightly, donkeys and horses don't have to worry about horseflies biting their legs, or keeping bandages on tight, or holding their leg hair back when they go in for a nice hoof trim. AND employees at the Sanctuary hide bananas and ginger cookies in the socks as treats for the herds.

So, Ms Knight says, “We hope they’re going to make a real difference."

So don't look a gifted horse in the mouth!

 

McWreck

You know, they say the French are the greatest gastronomes among us. They love their chow, and they are proud of the way they cook it, even though it's all glopped up in goo that leaves no room for hot sauce.

But even the French are subject to the laws, both of traffic and of physics, which brings us to the case of a French guy who was tying on the old McDonald's feedbag last week in Sydney,  Australia, and paying more attention to the food in his bag than to the fountain he ran into down under.

"Strangely, he was still eating Macca's there", said Police Inspector Anderson Lessing. The article I read did not specify whether the unnamed man, 21, was charged with culinary crimes or just with traffic offenses. He reversed an SUV into the Archibald Fountain in downtown Sydney's Hyde Park in the early hours of Wednesday morning, and the sad results of the driving mishap are to be seen below.

"Half of it was sticking inside, and half it was sticking out, with the driver still inside," Lessing told local radio station 702 ABC Sydney. I suppose he meant half of the car.

The man was uninjured, except for whatever pride he had before he drove off. Police refused to say what he was delivering.

 

 

Jeeves whiz

Jeeves, I am sorry, we forgot about you, and now you are gone!

Back in the wacky 90s, when we wanted to find out the capital of Brazil, or when the next Die Hard movie was coming out, or how many cups of sugar to add to a recipe, we hooked up the computer and Asked Jeeves, the online butler and keeper of all information.

Jeeves, and his home, Ask.com, are now shuttered forever. Things come and go in the world of commerce, and to be honest, most of us forgot ever going to Jeeves, since Google, and to a lesser degree, Yahoo, came along.

“To you — the millions of users who turned to us for answers in a rapidly changing world — thank you for your endless curiosity, your loyalty, and your trust,” the company said in a notice posted on its now-defunct website.

Remember him?

It was 1996 when the screens first lit up with a character that could help us find answers. Jeeves was a character in a series of books by P. G. Wodehouse. David Warthen and Garrett Gruener were a couple of early-PC days smart guys. They saw a need for what came to be called a "search engine," and they developed Jeeves for us.

I think I can remember switching over to Google because it felt like giving up the toy tools we all had to fix things - wee screwdrivers, tiny tack hammers - for real professional gear.  Google does us fine, but I am sitting here wondering if Jeeves's feelings were hurt when we abandoned him....

 

 

  

Take a liter from me, Peter

People ask why I love to donate blood to the Red Cross. I am now in the 13-Gallon Club, although I can never find out when they meet. I've not been invited.

But I enjoy giving when I can, and I can always make more blood. The people who need it in hospital or hospice, cannot. So that's the main reason. It used to get me out of work, and now it just means I don't get to watch Nicolle Wallace at 4 one afternoon every 8 weeks. The free cookies are nice, too. I guess the Red Cross had some sort of falling out with Famous Amos and Mrs Fields; we don't see their treats anymore at the canteen, so but there are always Lorna Doones. 

Having a nice conversation with the staff and the other donors is always fun. I call it "Phun With a Phlebotomist."

My secret is that I always go on Tuesdays and stop at Jersey Mike's for a submarine which is only a little smaller than the submarines prowling the ocean floor for the Navy. Tuesday is Double Points day at JM's, so I get enough customer points to walk out with a free sub like every 6 visits, and you know there is no greater thrill for a freeloader such as I than to walk out with free chow in my bag!

One last thing - the Red Cross sends a little message a few weeks after your donation, such as...

 Thank you for giving blood with the American Red Cross on April 21, 2026. Your blood donation was sent to George Washington University Hospital in Washington, DC to help a patient in need. Your donation is on its way to change lives!

I wish there could be a way to find out who got my blood at GWH! Imagine calling them and asking if they feel funnier and happier with a half pint of my A+ coursing through their veins!

They'd probably think it was a joke. 

Sunday Rerun: Sports Names

 

Someone reminded us that the Baltimore Ravens played their final home game at good old Memorial Stadium in midtown Baltimore on December 14, 1997 before moving to their undomed palace downtown. Their opponent that day? The Tennessee Oilers, formerly the Houston Oilers, who had decamped from Space City just that season. They were supposed to be based in Nashville, but only two college stadiums were available in Opryville. One was too big and one was too small. But the one that was just right was in Memphis, over 200 miles away. They made that their home for two seasons.

In a bizarre twist, the Edmonton Oilers hockey team almost moved to Houston in 1998 before the city of Edmonton came up with the money to keep them home, which spared Houston the pain that people feel when they see their ex marry someone else with their name!

If you think that didn't make sense, how about them keeping the name "Oilers, " in a state whose one refinery accounts for a whopping 1% of US oil production? Later on, when a stadium was built in Nashville, they changed their name to the Titans, a nod to the titans of country music who add so much to our culture.

This was not the only example of a sports team relocating and keeping a wholly inappropriate nickname. The New Orleans Jazz basketball team moved to Utah and should have left the Jazz behind. The Minneapolis Lakers moved away from the Land Of 10,000 Lakes (actually, there are 11, 842, but who's counting?) to Los Angeles, California, a city of 22 lakes and one tar pit.

The Brooklyn Dodgers baseball team, named for the nimble way Brooklyn residents had to duck and dive to avoid being hit by trolley cars, moved in 1958 to Los Angeles, which for years had electric streetcars. These had replaced horse-drawn trolleys, and those horses really gave pedestrians something to dodge!

The Saturday Picture Show, June 6, 2026

Nothing says lovin' like ...

Hey now! Here's a three-hour happy hour! Let's get real happy!

I'm sort of on the list this year, along with a lot of my favorites: Arthur Spooner, Bertha Butt, Dolly Parton, Kyle Bradish, my grandmother, Omar The Tentmaker, and Wilford Brimley, the leading man in so many Quaker Oats commercials. I hope we don't get very far down the list, though.

No one seems to like dandelions, but bees and butterflies love them for bringing
an early nectar source in springtime, and their deep roots tap deeply into the ground,
,naturally aerating your lawn.

You know that package of oyster crackers you have going stale in the cupboard?
This critter here would love to have them!

Imagine being on the crew building the dome over the Rotunda in Washington! It was completed in 1866, during the Civil War. The workpersonship!

Speaking of which, here's a handyperson special, as the real estate ads love to say. "Just a few weekends and some trips to Lowe's, and your house will be your pride and joy."

Everyone who's been to Italy comes back raving about the friendly people and the fine food and beverages. It looks a tad bit crowded for me...

Did one of your parents sit you down for a talk about the birds and the bees? I explained everything as patiently as I could to Dad, but he still had questions.

On this day, June 6, 1944, Western Allies invaded Normandy by sea, air, and land, to liberate Western Europe from the Nazi occupation. World War II ended just over a year later, but not without tremendous losses of soldiers and sailors and Air Corpsmen and Marines. I can't imagine the fear and trepidation these men felt as they prepared to parachute into the invasion.

 

...but you can't tuna fish

Breaking news: Dateline Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, where an armed man has been charged with pointing and presenting a firearm at a person.

Someone else was heating up a fish dinner at the workplace microwave, and you know what kind of unpleasant miasma can result from that. So Michael DeBiase, 46, pulled out a handgun and brandished it toward the person operating the micronuke.

I skipped over the part that would have told you that DeBiase's work title is Police Detective. 

He's facing felony charges, has been arrested and terminated from his job. He's due back in court on August 14 and has made no public statement at this time, but hey! He's got most of the summer off now, and he lives in a resort town, so hit the beach, Barney!

Seriously. The Myrtle Beach Police did the right thing. In days gone by, this would have been swept under the rug, but it's different now.  As they said in a statement to the press and public, "This incident does not reflect the values demonstrated by the men and women of the Myrtle Beach Police Department every day. However, it does demonstrate our commitment to accountability and our willingness to address conduct that falls short of our expectations.”

One has to assume that DiBiase does not possess the right temperament to do his job. But maybe with counseling, he can find work in the field of pre-owned automotive sales.

Or maybe there's a Red Lobster or Bonefish Grill down there hiring.

 

Every year

 Of all the things that are predictable every June (it's too hot, it's too cold, people need an extra ticket for a high school graduation, there are kids playing outside, "there are kids playing outside and they should be in school!") one of the most nonsensical is the animosity directed at Pride Month.

Every year! I don't know if it's the same people every year, but it's always the same complaints! "How come they get a whole month to celebrate? I was in the (Army, Navy,  Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard) and we don't get a whole month!"

Or "Turn your back on sin and repent, lest ye be condemned to a fiery hell!"

And the usual chorus of homophobia. 

It goes on and on and on, but why? 

Please tell me what difference it makes in your life if two people are in love. The older I get (and I'm getting older every day, same as you) the less I care about who does what with whom, as long as they don't wake me up, set fire to my house, or steal my money.

It happens every year, and I keep hoping that people will grow up and find something else about which to natter on. It won't happen, but we can hope!

"We're all out of Tutti-Frutti"

I never got around to asking my World War II - sailor father about the ice cream barges.

The Navy did not allow crew or officers to have alcohol aboard, but they figured that ice cream would be a good substitute for the people out there in the Pacific Theater, so they commissioned three large barges (I don't have any idea if they were all that big, but I do like saying "large barges") to store and distribute frozen and cold food. The barges: USS Hydrogen, USS Calcium, and USS Antimony, were towed in the seas, carrying 1,500 tons of frozen meat and 500 tons of refrigerated vegetables, eggs, and dairy products.

And some smart person thought to rig up each barge with machinery that could make ten gallons of ice cream every seven minutes, or five tons a day.

I know that Dad would have ordered vanilla! 

Color Drenching

I try to keep up with all the trends in fashion and home decor. I mean, I see the trends, but I don't act on them personally, for fear of being accused of being a follower.

I follow a lot of websites and FB pages that offer decorating advice. I didn't need any of it when it came to decorating my den in the popular Early Baseball motif. 

But I have seen this thing they call "color drenching" and I wondered about it. Taken literally, it would seem that it involves soaking your furniture, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and objets d art in a huge vat of Sherwin-Williams's finest. 

However, it's not that deep. They just mean drenching the surfaces all in one color. The website OliveandJunehome.com defines color drenching this way: 

In a nutshell, color drenching is the art of using one single color across every surface—walls, ceiling, trim, and even furniture if you're feeling extra.

Speaking of nutshells, Sherwin-Williams has a color called Nutshell (SW 6040). It looks like this, if you want to drench your living room: 

But if that's not your cup of nuts, there's always "Agreeable Gray (SW 7029). 

Go try it! Let's be extra, whatever that means.

Reach out and touch

I was reading about a man named Nick Epley. He's a behavioral science professor, and that's a great field to study. Dozens of people over the years have made a science of trying to get me to behave (and only one has succeeded). 

Epley has written a book called "A Little More Social," and he stresses that just chatting to people - even strangers - has a way of making us feel better and happier. A longtime subscriber to the theory that a stranger is just a friend we haven't met yet, I have never had a problem talking to strangers. I mean, what does it hurt to say hey to someone and ask them about how they like the weather, or how about those Orioles, or do they think this spot on the back of my hand looks like something to worry about.

Just kidding with that last one.  As a Medicarian, I have semi-annual dermatology visits in which every square inch of my epidermis is examined as if it were the hide of a long-frozen yak from the Tibetan plateau.

Start making the first step to reach out to others, is what Epley advises, It's a sure cure for loneliness!  And by doing so, you make new friends. I can't tell you how many times a stranger with whom I shared but a brief interlude in some office building has gone home and told their family, "I met a most interesting fellow today. He asked me to look at the back of his hand..."