Dis 'n' Data

The second thing we all learned about the internet, after we found all the pictures of cats playing the piano, was that some emails have the power to ruin your computer. Be they spam (unsolicited messages that might have a link to a virus) or phishing (malware that appears to come from a legitimate source) you should avoid them.

I get mail and texts that make no sense, such as the person who keeps texting me, claiming to be looking for "Anthony" and asking if I am interested in taking out a loan at very favorable terms, or repaying my nonexistent student debt, or this latest one that says I should open the attachment because they are the BMW recall division and they are trying to get in touch with me concerning my Beamer. 

I have never owned or driven a vehicle from the Bavarian Motor Works, so no. Perhaps they just send this email to everyone in the world, hoping to reach the millions of happy BMW owners. Or perhaps the link will give some hacker control over my computer with my unrivaled cache of Jerry Lee Lewis mp3s.

The other day I received a few (148) texts from someone making an offer to buy our house. Our house, that is, if we lived in Mifflinville, PA. The goal here is to get me to reply and say, "Hey! This is not my house!" and then they would reply and say, what IS your address, and then they have their hooks in.

On Instagram, I get follow requests from Chesty LaRue and her callipygian friends, none of whom are ever named Mildred or Lorraine, and of course I know they are enchanted by my saggy, craggy looks and my constant references to things that took place before their parents were born. So, no again. 

Speaking of the long-ago, I never tire of telling young people about the days when it was possible not to call someone when they weren't at home, or work, or the fire house. And the only way you knew someone was having a baby or buying a Prius was by phone call, which no one makes anymore anyway. I mean, if you can't say it in a text, it's not going to be said.

That's all that's on my mind today.  As of now, I won't shave or shower until after Halloween, or even change my clothes. Very simple costume this year - I'm going as Steve Bannon.