Tuesday, February 7, 2017

You bet

Image result for howard sternI have never been to Las Vegas, Nevada, and the odds are (!) that I will never go.  People who go there - American people! - tend to call Elton John "Sir" Elton John, and I recognize no one as royalty (except The King Of All Media.)

So all I know about the casino lifestyle is what I see in movies and television shows, and what I read, and I have heard so much about the fact that the casinos are vast, windowless rooms with no clocks, which would drive me nuts.  I have to know what time it is every five minutes. Hold on, I'm going to check the time right now.

OK I'm back. I know that the deal is; the casino operators don't want you to stand and stare at the beautiful sunset.  They don't want you to say, whoa, 3 AM, better hit the sack; got that big meeting with the rest of the conventioneers today at 9.

Nope. They want you gambling, buying drinks and gambling, and eating and gambling. Stay there, run up your credit cards, and get ready for the big Celine Dion Show later.

I did not know this, though! The carpeting in those casinos is deliberately ugly.  I mean, really: 

These are real pictures of really ugly rugs in casinos in LV.  I don't know where such ugly designs spring from, but I'm gonna guess that people with issues, shall we say, get their paints and pencils and design these atrocities.

So, since I have all the time in the world, I researched why casino operators (and I am told that they are some of the finest people alive, with such colorful nicknames) would call up "Rugs Rugs Rugs" and have this mess put down.

Three stories I came up with follow:

1) They don't want you to look at the floor.  The floor leads to the door, and the door leads you out, and they don't want you to leave. So these carpets make sure you give but a passing glance to what's beneath your Rockports.

Image result for hazel shirley booth vacuum cleanerB) It's hard to tell a scotch-and-soda stain mess when the floor is already a mess. So, they don't have to worry about cleaning the floors up.  Since they're in 24-7-365 operation, it's not like Hazel is coming through with a Bissell mop-vac after hours.

Image result for las vegas chipIII) One story has it that if you drop a chip on this awfulness, you'll never find it, and the casino sweeps up extra profit that way. But that contradicts "B" above, and, furthermore, one card dealer says that people who drop or lose chips demand replacements, uninterested in crawling around looking for the ones that got away.

So, to sum up, I'm not going to Caesars Salad Palace, and if you do, please, don't look down.

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