If you recall the Simpsons episode "Krusty Gets Busted," when the mistaken arrest of Springfield's favorite TV clown (that word!) led to sidekick Bob getting to do the afternoon show, you remember how Bob tried to take a higher tone on things.
"Well, perhaps we can shed some light on your problem in a new segment exploring pre-adolescent turmoil. I call it, 'Choices'."
Peggy and I will wile away endless hours driving to distant destinations or while waiting to be seen in clinics or raking leaves or trying to avoid deep sleep when a soccer game is on TV by doing something you might call "Choices" if you feel like being corny.
It goes like this:
- "Whom would have as a dinner guest: Oprah or Howard Stern?" (or two disparate friends or acquaintances who shan't be named here).
- and then the other person, having just answered "Howard, of course!" asks "Would you eat fried liver with a side of kidneys if you got to have all you wanted of any dessert, or would you have your favorite entrée but you have to eat a snack-size baggie of black licorice and candy corn for dessert?"
- You can go back and forth on the gross desserts and undesirable dinner guests (sorry, Kanye!) all night, or you can come up with new Choices...
- Name two people. With which of them would you rather drive to Los Angeles? And could you sleep in the car while that person drove, without worrying that they'd drive you into a ditch just east of Omaha?
- Early Beatles or later Beatles? Early Stones or later? Bing Crosby or Perry Como? Listen to Dave Matthews or jump off Trump Tower?
- Clean out the garage or watch Jerry Springer?
- Of course, any question - even "Would you rather watch bowling, tennis or soccer for fifteen hours straight? - is better than The Worst Question Ever Uttered In A Relationship, which is, as you know....."Do you think we should completely redecorate the entire house, or just move?"