Monday, October 17, 2016

Bad to the Bone

I really thought that the most awful thing we would find out about Ken Bone, days after he soared to worldwide fame and acclaim by asking a question of the candidates at the town hall debate on Sunday last, was that the only reason he was wearing that quarter-zip red sweater was that he was wearing an olive suit, but the pants split when he went to get in the car and drive to the televised brouhaha.

I know that people will write the story this way, that we Americans love to build someone up, someone from clear out of the blue, and then we love to tear them down for no apparent reason.  

But I think it's a bit different with this fellow.  True, last Sunday evening was the first time 99% of us ever saw him, and he seemed like an earnest enough fellow, if a little...uncool, in that cool way of being uncool.

But by Thursday evening, he had shown himself to be a little...weird, in that uncool way of being weird.

He did what they call an "AMA" (Ask Me Anything) on Reddit, using his sobriquet "StanGibson18" (Stan Gibson is a character in the Marvel comics, you see, and this handle indicates that there are at least 17 others assuming that fake identity, in that same sad way you used to get emails from "FlockOfSeagullsFan21204").  And this revealed some disturbing thoughts and notions that run through the Bone brain.  

To wit:

  • He called the shooting death of Trayvon Martin "justified." Ho states that shooter George Zimmerman seems like "a big ole s--t bird." but synopsizes the shooting of an unarmed teenager as "Bad guy legally kills kid in self-defense. Sucks for everybody, including us due to the media f---ery."

  • He went on a site that you don't want your boss or anyone else with a shred of decency to see - "PreggoPorn" - and goes on about how he finds pregnant women to be a prurient thrill.  He calls them "beautiful human submarines." 
  • In what can only called a benefit for the human race, he extols the virtues of having a vasectomy. But it's not about the birth control for him; he doesn't mention depriving the world of future Bones as yet unborn.  In graphic detail, he describes the coital supremacy accruing to men following the procedure: "I had mine done 2 years ago. Sexual satisfaction is way up. My wife loves it too…Can’t recommend it enough."
  • Bone, who recently struck a deal to endorse the Uber car service, says he forged insurance papers to make it appear that he was that he could keep a pizza delivery job. "I forged documents to make it look like I had car insurance so I wouldn’t get fired. Can’t say how I did them, I don’t know how long the statute of limitations is on that."

  • So little was known of the Bone when he stood to ask his question on television.  But within a week, we found out that he supports gunning down teenagers for no reason, he has some bizarre fetishes, he is willing to cruise the streets of his town driving pizzas to people without insuring his car (and is now urging us to hire non-taxis to taxi us around).

    But at least we know his wife is one satisfied customer, so there's that.

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