There used to be a PSA - a Publicly Scary Announcement - that said something along the lines of "One of the next three drivers coming your way is drunk. Not just drinking. Drunk."
And then you'd think twice about driving in Jim Irsay's neighborhood anymore.
Well, if you want something to worry about, consider that you are living in a world in which some people cannot distinguish between the phrases "Christie ally" and "Kirstie Alley."
The New York Times had a story the other day, you see. It was about one of New Jersey Chris Christie's shady friends and coworkers who was about to cop a plea in the Bridgegate Scandal that the adipose governor knew NOTHING about, no sir. (Traffic was tied up on the first day of school in the town of Fort Lee, NJ, by Christie operatives as retaliation for that town's mayor refusing to back the obnoxious governor's reelection campaign. But the governor, who on one hand makes a big point of claiming that he's involved with everything that goes on in his kingdom, said he knew nothing about the whole deal. Uh huh.)
So the newspaper headline said CHRISTIE ALLY TO PLEAD GUILTY IN NEW JERSEY BRIDGE SCANDAL.
And there are people on this planet, people driving cars, operating machines, owning property, walking around thinking the headline said that Kirstie Alley was about to plead guilty to involvement in the scandal.
Kirstie Alley. The actress from "Summer School" and "Cheers" and spokesperson for Pier One and Jenny Craig.
Kirstie Alley. And they tweeted and bleated about it:
Whoever Philip Winn is, he lost.