Friday, October 25, 2013

Picture This

 When the cell phone was invented, people thought, "Oh, how nice!  This way, I can always stay in contact with friends and family, and the kids can reach me if they need to, and if I'm going to be late because of a wreck on the road ahead I can call Jim and Sally and tell them to keep dinner warm!"

And then there were those who thought, "Put a camera on that phone and I can take dirty pictures with it!"

In the amazing pantheon of Marylanders In The News, make room for Dr John Yacoub, a gynecologist from my home town of Towson.  Dr Yacoub is in deep trouble.  His medical license was suspended earlier this month because a) he had pictures of female genitalia on his cell  b) there are allegations that he used and distributed illicit drugs   and c) he distributed some of that dope to a woman with whom he has been enjoying unsanctified congresses (doin' the Hibbidy-Dibbidy!) At least, that's what the authorities allege, although, as lawyers, they refrain from calling it the Hibbidy-Dibbidy.

His lawyers about broke their necks getting to the news with breathless announcements that no one need worry about the pictures.  They were medical pictures, you understand, taken for purely clinical reasons.

Well, let's see if that pans out. There is a precedent in this case. When a group of my fellow classmates in fifth grade were found to possess a photograph of Busty Russell in her bosomy glory, our claim that it was merely preparation for future anatomy classes fell on deaf ears.  And Ms Russell's ears were the last thing we were looking at, I'll tell you that.

Notice how I initially claimed not to be part of the ogling mob and then admitted it.  I should have gone into law.

And here's another noteworthy Marylander!  Say hey to Adam Bartsch, a TSA agent who was sitting on a plane, dipping his cell camera way down low to take pictures up the skirts of female passengers. And a grandpa from Tennessee grabbed that phone and Bartsch ran off, only to be grabbed by police. He admitted that he was taking pervy photos, apparently failing to remember to claim that they were medical pictures intended for purely clinical use.

I am reminded of the words of the great Tony Hendra from the National Lampoon:

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. 

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