Wednesday, December 12, 2012


We didn't know about this until very recently, but with the release of this official government photo, it turns out that the notion that space aliens landed here in the early days of this century, once thought to be only believed by the most outré among us, is now a proven fact.

Pictured here with a former government official, Mr Alien landed somewhere in America and immediately sent for more of his home folk, so as to preclude the need to date and reproduce with local singles.  He was not doing so well with them anyway; the music of A Flock Of Seagulls, so popular back home on Mars, is not regarded as particularly seductive here.  

In the decade since a whole passel of people from REALLY far away joined our nation, they have subtly transformed our society in ways that suddenly make sense now that we know for sure they are here.  Before the damning photo was released, all we could do was ascribe off patterns of behavior to brain softening as a result of watching The Osbournes.

For instance, you might have noticed that of late, people around here are in no hurry to remove campaign signs long after an election is over.  You might also see cars or trucks displaying the stars 'n' bars of the Confederacy, despite the fact that the Civil War ended with them on the losing side, and more important, despite how many people's feelings are hurt at the sight of that flag.  On Mars, no one has feelings, so there are no feelings to worry about, and history can be undone by just waiting for everyone to forget who won wars and elections.

As people who had primo seats out in outer space to see it all happen, the Martians were happy to land in a country that had sent men to the moon (and threatened to send Alice Kramden too.)  It was their idea to start the rumor that the whole thing was a Disney production, faked by the same people who brought you Goofy and Pluto.  Disbelief in the moon landings makes a certain percentage of us goofy too...and that's what the Martians want!

The good news that came out of a Gallup Poll was that more than four out of five Americans realize that the Earth revolves around the Sun.  The bad news, then, was that 18% of the people around whom you live, work, shop and play believe that the Earth is the center of the universe. 

One third of the people in Texas believe that dinosaurs and men roamed the earth at the same time

We could go on, but it's clear that we all knew a lot more before the space creatures came and spread crazy rumors and distorted facts.  If we can trick them into going home for a vacation and remain vigilant, maybe they'll stay away and we can get smart again!

No comments: