During the Super Bowl broadcast the other night, as the clock wound down toward halftime, Al Michaels mentioned that Patriots coach Bill "Ratty Hoody" Belichick was so meticulous, so detailed in preparing his squad for the big game, that he even lengthened the time of their break during practice in the last few days. During the regular season and the playoffs, halftime runs for 12 minutes, plenty of time for showing beer, pickup truck and erection assistance commercials along with some insightful analysis from Terry Bradshaw.
But in the Super Bowl, home of memorable ads and winners donning celebratory t-shirts and caps within seconds of the final gun, the halftime break is thirty minutes. So Belichick halted practices last week and made his charges sit around the locker room for half an hour to acclimate them to the length of the break on Sunday.
The drawback was, all those men had to try to sit for a longer period of time in the same room as Tom Brady's ego, a massive, turgid, swollen ego that expands and contracts like the fortunes of the supermodels he beds.
The good news is, during the game, which the Patriots, to Brady's astonishment, lost, neither team had to watch the halftime show. This year, featured artist Madonna, a singer popular in the 80's, lip-synched songs that very few people knew while even fewer paid attention, being more deeply involved in the bacon-horseradish dip and crockpot chili simmering on the card table near the kitchen. Madonna was assisted by Cee Lo Green, Nicky Minaj, M.I.A, LMFAO, and ROTFLWTF in singing a seemingly interminable medley. M.I.A, a British performer of Sri Lankan descent born Mathangi Arulpragasam, is 36 years of age, and virtually unknown, so she thought she would indicate, by holding up a finger, how many people cared about what she had to say about anything (see photo). It always strikes my funny bone that this boring halftime show is sponsored by Bridgestone, a tire manufacturing company. It's funny because I am tired of the whole spectacle.
Back in the days when the University of Maryland was turning out more All-American football players than doctoral candidates, the joke was that they needed to improve the college so it could be a school that the football team could be proud of. Now we have this Super Bowl, and the last few games have been very good football games. Here's a vote for a quicker halftime show, with no need to trot out people who have not been on the cultural radar since the days of Howdy Doody.