Tuesday, February 7, 2012

He's not really a good man

I love pics of rich guys being hauled into court
Apparently, there are at least two John Goodmans (John Goodmen?) in this world.  Sure, there's the one from the "Roseanne" show, the actor who went on to play Linda Tripp on Saturday Night Live's satires about Bill Clinton.  I feel your pain.  

Then, there is this other John Goodman, down in Florida.  Hmmm.  What do we know about this dude?

Papa. Don't preach.
  • He founded the Polo Club Palm Beach, where rich people cluster to watch people playing polo.  In Palm Beach.  Sounds delightful, am I wrong?  Next year, if they're still open, let's get down there in January and watch them play for the Herbie Pennell Cup.  Oh well now, I mean, really. 
  • He's worth around 300 million dollars.
  • He ALLEGEDLY drove drunk, piloting his Bentley into the path of a Hyundai car driven by a 23-year old named Scott Wilson.  As Wilson drowned in a canal, Goodman ALLEGEDLY ran off on foot (the only way to run, really) and later blew a blood-alochol test that was off the Lohan scale.
  • Anticipating financial setbacks from settlements with the Wilson family, he set up trust funds for his children to hide the money from the Wilsons, who probably are as repulsed as his own kids at the fact that he
  • adopted his girlfriend as his daughter.  He's 48. She's 42.  Funny what love can do.

With his trial due to start on March 6, and with charges that could send a person whose father was not an HVAC billionaire to the Ironbar Hilton for 30 years, Mr Goodman is making his plans, putting his affairs in order, getting his ducks in a row.  Under Florida law, where this bizarre adoption took place, anyone can be elected by hanging their chad out, and there is no law against having sex with an adopted child as long as there is no "lineal consanguinity" - meaning there is no close blood tie, such as aunt, uncle, niece, or nephew.

With my retirement coming up in a matter of weeks, I get a lot of questions. "How is Peggy going to put up with you now?" is one of them.  The other is, "Are you going to move?"  I get this one a lot from neighbors.

But "Have you ever considered getting a girlfriend to adopt as a daughter?" never came up.  And I don't think I want anything to do with people who live like that.

Until recently, I had considered moving to Alaska.  But I found out, wacky stuff goes on there, too.

But I am understanding now that corporations are people, my friend.  Therefore, Mr Goodman ought to adopt Apple.  That sounds like the name of a Palin offspring anyway.

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