Sunday, April 3, 2011


Someone at work asked me why I bought an SUV (Sport-utility vehicle) instead of a PUT (Pick 'em Up Truck) and I had to say IDK.  But then I did a little noodlin' and figured it out, so I ROFL.

OK for moving to Peyton's Place
A pickup suited me well in the days when we were buying houses and moving into them.  The next time we move, it should be to the Shady Acres Home for the Elderly, so we'll just let some moving company handle that.  Any firm will do except for Mayflower, and anyone who knows the significance of this picture >>> will understand why.  

And you're SOL (short on luck) if you were hoping that I was going to help you move.  My back surgeon will be glad to send you a note attesting to his dictum that I am to lift nothing heavier than 30 lbs., which leaves your sofa right where it is.  Sorry.  

My days of haulin' a load o' mulch or topsoil back to the Lazy 'C' Ranch are over, but they tell me that these products are now available for sale in handy plastic bags.  Now, if you go to Lowe's or Home Depot, you just about have to tackle the lot guy if you want to give him a tip.  At least at Lowe's, they are forbidden to take tips and have to keep an eye out for supervisors who have the eagle eye out for anyone pocketing a finsky as gratitude for loading 16 tons of #9 mulch into Harry Homeowner's Honda.

Our new ride looks like this; our house does not
I had lots of fun over the years with the three pickups I owned.  My buddy Ray and I went to the county dump one Saturday morning and were given instructions by a woman with a clipboard in one hand and a huge cuppa WaWa joe in the other, and when she started barking out the orders like a Marine DI standing there surrounding by endless vistas of trash, garbage, debris and detritus, I just started laughing so hard I thought I was going to have to call 911 to send breathing apparatus for me.  "You WILL then proceed to the WEIGHING STATION, at which point you WILL be given directions for which landfill area you WILL utilize..."  I got all confused and asked Ray what did she say, and that was it; we were both goners.  I was afraid that she was going to give us a hoe and tell us that we WILL police this area!

And then there was a time I was hauling a broken-down heat pump (ours) to the dump and on the way at a guy at a stop light was looking at the machine in the bed of the truck,and wondering if that was the truck's air conditioning system.

You know why he smiles!
And there were all the times I got to work, or worse, through blizzards, ice, sleet, hail and I don't know what-all else.  You gimme a truck with some 4-wheel drive and I'll be there. And the new ride has more sense than I do, and goes into 4WD automatically! It does require the driver to choose his or her preferred radio station, though.

But as I reach the September 1 of my years, it becomes increasing apparent that  bosomy bikini-clad women splashing around in the back of the truck, filled with water and some huge ice cubes to make an el cheapo swimming pool, will more likely be seen in a Kid Rock video than in my driveway.  And that's fine.  They'd probably want to hang around 'way past 10 PM, for crying out loud, and that's no good for us.

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