Friday, April 29, 2011

Letters! We get letters!

I didn't think this kind of email was still going around, but I got it recently, right in the old inbox, and it tickles me that this person who never even met me was able to know me so well.  Here's what she wrote:

Hello my dear,
Complements of the season to you. I wish to express my sincere gratitude to you. My name is Miss Rejoice Xxxxxx.
I am a young beautiful girl with full of love and caring and also romantic. well I come in contact with your profile  and I loved it so i decided to write you this mail. I hope we can click together as one body and soul.

Please I will appreciate if you can use my mail address to contact me directly to my mailbox and at the same time I will show you my picture and you also know more about me. Moreover, I want you to know that distance ,race or religion is never a barrier in the course of love.

Thanks for your love, understanding and co-operation. Please I hope favorably to get your reply, contact me with this email address above.
Yours sincerely,

Normally,when I receive an email of this sort, I react with interest.  That's because usually, the letter contains the news that the writer's late husband, Mr Lovedaddy, had served as a consular official deep in the nation of Baki-Baki, and had recently passed away following a lengthy illness.  Imagine how surprised she was, as she went through his personal effects, to find a sum of $4.3 US squirreled away in a secret offshore bank account.  In case you just got email yesterday and have never seen one of these before, the hook is, she can't figure out how to smuggle the loot out of Baki-Baki and into the First National Bank in Sandy Shorts, Ohio.  And here's how you come in:  just send her your social security number, credit card number with PIN, and any and all other personal data, to prove that you're honest, along with $43,000 earnest money, and she will arrange to put those 4.3 million smackers right into your account!  And also, you'll wake up with Mila Kunis!

So, I have to wonder what "Rejoice" (maybe her mother's name was "Joyce" and she's a Junior) is up to here, and of course I will never know.  She's only fooling herself if she saw anything about my profile anywhere that would lead anyone to find me anyhow romantic. And while I agree that distance, race or religion would never be barriers to the true course of love, her lousy spelling ("complements" of the season), awkward syntax ("Please I hope favorably to get your reply") and use of a comma to separate two independent clauses has spelled a sad end to our love, before it even went aborning.

Pity, when you think of what might have been, eh?

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