Tuesday, November 2, 2010

We Hold These Truths

Election Day coverage will resume tomorrow - for today, please enjoy these truths that I got from a very erudite friend!

                        Truths For Mature Humans
                        1. I think part of a best friend's job should be
to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
                        2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an
argument when you realize you're wrong.
                        3. I totally take back all those times I didn't
want to nap when I was younger.
                        4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
                        5. How are you supposed to fold a
fitted sheet?
                        6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
                        7. Map Quest really needs to start their
directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my
                        8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if
they told you how the person died.
                        9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at
least kind of tired.
                        10. Bad decisions make good stories.
                        11. You never know when it will strike, but
there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to
do anything productive for the rest of the day.
                        12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever
comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my
                        13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit
out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
                        14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my
phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
                        15. I think the freezer deserves a light as
                        16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on
any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite
than Kay.
                        17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line
between boredom and hunger.
                        18. How many times is it appropriate to say
"What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or
understand a word they said?
                        19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an
entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the
front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
                        20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty.
Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
                        21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3
consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
                        22. Even under ideal conditions people have
trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone,
and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and
push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes
closed, first time, every time!
                        23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was
used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.  That
means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also

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