Monday, June 7, 2010

The thief of Bad Gags II

Will you be in a relationship next month?
Next month, next year, next century. Love forever changes, but true love lives on and on.

Do you have feelings for anyone?
Of course and so I married her.

Name something great that happened today:
Someone we know and love is being cared for properly at long last.

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
Fall, football, fixing my back, "Life Unexpected" coming back in the fall.

What is it you truly want right now?
For this nation to heal this horrible oozing sore upon the Gulf, trust less in fail-safe technology, and more in the abiding Spirit.

Do you like more than one person?
Of course. How can you only like one person? That would be like only voting for one political party! Hey, wait a minute...

Do you own a computer?
Contrary to popular belief, I was not around at the dawn of television (but I was there before it got real bright!) And they tell of the first people on the block to get a TV, and all the neighbors showing up to watch "Your Show of Shows," which was to comedy as licorice is to candy. But they flocked to the tiny box and watched Sid Caesar. I was around when people first got computers, although I was not one of the first.

How many showers do you take on average a day?
Summertime it can be two, or three if I grilled dinner.

Do you eat the crust when you eat sandwiches?
I always considered it a rather effect move to have the crusts cut off of a sandwich....almost as bad as removing the slices of olives from olive loaf with a paper punch.

What do you order when you go to the ice cream stand?
What I would LIKE to order would be a double-dipper Haagen-Dazs Vanilla Fudge Brownie. Unless I've been notified that I have less than a day to live, I'm more wise to pass by the ice cream stand.

Have you ever had DippinDots ice cream?
Oh listen, I knew Dot before she started dippin'.

How many different malls have you been to?
Would it really do any of us any good for me to count them? I've been to plenty. I was there when they built Golden Ring Mall and I watched 'em blow it up 37 years later.

Do you think once a cheater, always a cheater?
Well, not necessarily. The great sage Bo Diddley reminds us that "You Can't Judge a Book by Looking at its Cover," but if a candy bar wrapper says "nuts" on the outside, you can look for them nestled in among the chocolate. Maybe some cheaters can redeem themselves, but it would take a lot of years.

What do you honestly think of the last person who texted you?
One of the finest police in all of Baltimore County. Most assuredly, the smartest.

When was the last time you watched the Disney movie "The Lion King"?
Never saw it, never want to. I am not a Disney person. I know, I know, blasphemy!

Do you actually still watch American Idol?
Yes, but if next year sucks like this year did, then it's AMF, AI!

Does your cell phone have a key bored?
Yes. I tried to find a hobby or interest for that key so it wouldn't be so bored, but no luck so far.

Have you ever dyed you hair a unnatural color?
Nature is my colorist, and so far, all of my various hair colors (blond, brown, gray) have been quite natural.

The smell of honey makes you want to puke?
Is this a question or a statement? I like honey, by the by. If you find that your jar of spaghetti sauce is a little tangy, a tsp of honey will smooth it right out!

Spell your name backwards. Can you pronounce it out loud?
KRAM it!

Describe Britney Spears in 3 words.
Perfect heavenly angel.

Name one person on your mind right now? and your relation?
Peggy! She's my wife, but if you've known me for more than 13 seconds, you know that.

When you woke up this morning, the 1st thing you said was..?
Where is the remote?

So, what if you married the last person you kissed?
I already did, in a 1973 ceremony best described as lyrical and touching.

What was the last thing you hid?
I got a check for a retroactive raise and I cashed it in and hid the bucks for a rainy day.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
Yes but I was sorry. Again, to quote from a great sage of our time, Mr Buddy Hackett: "While you're holding grudges, they're out dancing!"

If you could spend more time with someone you used to be very close with, who?
My grandfather. Just to give you an idea, when they make the movie of my life, his part will be played by Edward G. Robinson.

When will your next kiss be?
As soon as Peggy wakes up.

Where was your default picture taken at?
Bertucci's. Last winter, out with Tatum, Joshua and Kaiden, having a wonderful time and enjoying the thrill of awaiting a blizzard which sure enough arrived the next morning!

Did you ever like someone you know you shouldn't have?
See "Describe Britney Spears in three words."

Who was the last guy you had a conversation with?
Officer Doran, via text.

Do you plan on moving out within the next year?
What, have you heard something?

Last person you told a secret to?

What was the last thing to make you mad?
Someone we love was beaten.

What are you listening to at the moment?
Ernest Tubb, "A Month of Sundays."

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Just call me Coach Buzzcut!

What color shirt are you wearing?
Heather Grey. Oh, but she was great in "Two Arms to Hold Forever."

What are you doing tonight?
Wanna take Peggy someplace nice, which in our parlance means "Anywhere but Ollie's Bargain Outlet." Fran told me about an Amish scratch 'n' dent grocery store, but they close at sundown.

Can you leave the house without makeup?
I have to have a little blush, so I do something embarrassing.

What do you want?
Peace! When do we want it? Now!

Who knows a dark secret or two about you?
I am the biggest open book you ever saw. There are no secrets. People I don't even know know me.

Do you like Batman?
I like him as Mayor Adam West.

When was the last time you saw someone attractive?
When I woke the computer up.

What do you always take with you?
My perky self-confidence, my slightly askance views on the world, and my persistent faith in Man's better nature. And a cell phone and a bandanna and my wallet and change and keys and remotes and Leatherman® tools.

Is there someone you will never forget?
How can I remember the face I can't forget?

What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
Took the first train to Tinkletown.

How are you right now?

Do you currently have a hickey?
I have several doohickeys, three gimcracks and a whatsis.

Are you gonna get high later?
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude! Noooooooooooo!

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Anyone can tell me anything.

What are you tired of?
Back trouble.

Who was the first person you talked to today?

How late did you stay up last night?
Almost midnight, so I slept til 5:30.

Have you ever been called heartless?
I would hate to think so. Not that I know of. Jeesh!

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
Oh yeah and they know who they are!

Is there something right now that has you worried?
I try to let go and Let God.

How old were you when you got your first piercing?
Six, but it was a piercing giggle.

What did you do yesterday?
Work, dropped off a gift, went to Credit Union ( a highlight of any day - I love the people there!), dinner with Peggy, Dave Trembley got a can tied to him, Orioles lost.

What was the last bad news you heard?
Friend in hospital.

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