Saturday, June 5, 2010

Prix Fixe

They said it was going to happen, but you never know. I mean, "they" said that Adam Lambert was going to be popular, so what do "they" know?

But we're talking here about the plan to turn the streets of Baltimore into a racetrack, and no, we don't mean Perring Parkway on a Saturday night. This is the Baltimore Gran Prix, set to start next August, when fast cars, only these will be from out of town, will zip around a 2.5-mile course, wrapping around the Inner Harbor, Light, Pratt and Russell Streets near Camden Yards. There will also be go-karting, beer gardens, extreme sports demonstrations and professional beach volleyball.

According to the people putting on this dog and fast-pony show, 100,000 people will descend on our fair city every year and spend 70 million dollars, most of it on parking. Then they will just, I dunno, stand on the sidewalk and watch cars career by.

Attention all out-of-towners: please let me know when you'd like to come to Baltimore to see people drive in an unsafe manner. Give me your 700 semolians, and I will a) take you for breakfast at the fabulous Double -T Diner, and b) let you stand by the Beltway so we can see people text while driving, drive while shaving, shave while texting, and change lanes with the same abandon (and results) with which Arlen Spector changes parties.

Oh listen, for 700 clams, I'll even take you to Pizza John's for lunch. But you'd better let me drive.

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