Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Take a powder

This was as predictable as Liz Cheney, daughter of the erstwhile vice president, claiming that there was no cronyism, no favoritism, no nepotism in the Cheney/Bush White House, while not explaining how she got her current job as a spokesperson for her silent father.

Bath and Body Works has introduced a line of toiletries for men.

Now, maybe I was foolish not to bury that lead a little deeper in the story, because I just heard a giant whoooooooshing sound as dozens of my faithful reader run out to their nearest mall to load up on Noir, Citron, Oak or Ocean - scented products.

Noir, as in Drakkar Noir, which I guess is a Dutch term meaning smell that enters a room before its wearer.

Citron, as in citrus, because men love smelling like grapefruit.

Oak, as in wood. No further elaboration required.

Ocean, because we love the sea breeze, the sand 'tween our toes, the sharp squawk of gull and tern, the salty fragrance of Thrasher's Fries.

I know just why B & BW has decided to take this bold marketing venture, selling stuff for men. It's because of all the men such as I who fecklessly stand by, holding both a basket and a conversation, as their wives stock up on stuff with names like Warm Vanilla Sugar, Misty Moonlight and Violet Tuberose.

Who knew that roses came in tubes?

Maybe there will be guys who buy this stuff. More likely, it will be women buying it for guys, justifying the purchase by saying, "But honey, you deserve the very best!" which is an American idiomatic expression meaning, "So while I was in there buying this for you, I also bought...."

Listen, Peggy buys their stuff all the time, and what's it to me? She is beautiful and if buying expensive goo, creams and powders makes her feel special, there is no one alive who better deserves to feel that way.

I, on the other hand, am a Dollar Tree guy. My shampoo is whatever bar of soap I just used to lather up the old face here. I just keep going north, and then head south down the back way. Deodorant, shaving cream, antiseptic, styptic pencil for shaving nicks, talcum powder so I can walk that way*: all come from the Tree, where the low-name product meets the no-name product. The Tree will either have some brand name you never heard of, or they will have a ton of some new stuff that a company made, but no one bought it at the regular high price, so they dump it off at DT for a single.

Which is why, come to think of it, I very well may be purchasing Bath and Body Works For Men stuff. As soon as Dollar Tree can get it on their shelves!
* Guy walks into a drugstore and says, "Pardon me, ma'am; can you show me where is the talcum powder?"
Lady says,"Certainly, sir. Walk this way."
Guy says, "If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder."

Listen, your grandfather thought it was funny too!

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