Monday, November 30, 2009

Tiger, Tiger

Just what the heck is going on with Eldrick "Tiger" Woods? I'm not the only one asking that question all of a sudden, but it cracks me up that the local police in his gated community have gone to his house twice, as of Sunday, to ask just what the heck was going on as he roared out of his driveway and hit a tree and a fire plug at 0225 hrs Friday, only to be rebuffed.

In my mind, I picture what would happen if I slammed my truck into several perpendicular solids and, when the cops came around to ask questions they have every right to pose, I had Peggy tell them, "He's asleep now. Come back some other time. How's 2017 sound for you?"

Lookie, I don't know what's going on in Tigerland. I can say that from where I sit, if you're racing out of your million-dollar mansion in the middle of the night and smacking down your ride, sumpin' ain't right. But maybe he was out of smokes and had to run down to the Kwik-E-Mart for some Marlboros. Or, maybe he wanted to get to the Midnite Madness DoorBuster to surprise the wife with one of those big-screen TVs from Best Buy. Or, let's say he was fixing a late snack with some Thanksgiving leftovers and he was all out of stuffing for his sandwich, so he thought he'd just scoot on over to the Winn-Dixie for some StoveTop. Now, let's say he makes it a habit to drive around his community and make sure that no one has left on any unneeded lights. See? There are all sorts of reasons why Tiger was out smashing up his Escalade just past last call the other morning, and surely, as soon as he's all rested up, he will share with us all the details.

Speaking of the middle of the night, I see that Kevin Trudeau fella is back on TV with another deal. You might remember him as the guy who sold about 25 million copies of a book with medical advice of dubious value, positioning himself as a purveyor of inside information that "they" don't want you to know. His setup then was to appear on a fake TV talk show that sort of looked like the Larry King Show. Now he's back, after being so busy settling millions and millions of dollars worth of claims, judgments and settlements with government regulators whose job is it to protect consumers from sending $24.95 to him for a book that claims that sunscreen, not UV rays causes cancer, and that diseases are not caused by viruses or bacteria, but by energy imbalance. Well, it is a free country, and he has every right to publish these books - the latest is on how to get free money simply by going online and asking for it - just as we have the right not to buy them. The setup now is that they make it look like he's on QVC or Home Shopping Club. That's the great thing about a free society - the government can't stop anyone from writing and selling a book. Do you remember the guy who ran an ad saying "Get rich quick - send one dollar for information to PO Box ____" He made a fortune. All he did was send to those who sent in their dollar a piece of paper that said "Here's what you an ad that says 'Get Rich Quick - send one dollar for information...' "

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