At work, I am generally known as a "key" man in the operation, which is flattering, but it turns out they really think of me as a "key man." Meaning, that I tend to have the keys to doors, passageways, safes, strongboxes and overhead sliding barriers. I collect keys, which means I used to walk around with a great keyring on my right hipbone, which weighed about 20 pounds.
How could a hipbone weigh 20 pounds?
If there's anything funnier than a subject-verb agreement joke, it's an elephant in my pajamas.*
But along with losing weight in the corporeal sense, I also thought it might be a good idea to cut down on the appurtenances I carried around - my deadly Craftsman® blade cutter, and at least one if not both of my Leatherman® tools.
Leatherman: the leader in pocket tools since 1981.
So imagine what a goof I felt like on Thursday when we slid by to see Drew and Laura's palatial new home. Drew and Jay had bought some high-class bottled beer. One of the Dutch varietals, I believe. So swanky was this brew that its bottlecaps would not yield to the twist of thirsty wrists.
They needed a bottle opener.
And they counted on Uncle Mark.
Who a) left his Leatherman Juice®and his Leatherman Micro® at home in order to enhance his sleek, man-on-the-go profile and who b) was driving Peggy's Camry, instead of the Tacoma shed-on-wheels.
We left before we found out how the finally uncapped that beer. Today, I'm packing everything - tools, knives, anything you need.
Did you remember to bring the beer?
________________________________________________________* "On my safari, I shot an elephant in my pajamas.What he was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know!"