Monday, November 19, 2012

Make love AND war

There's an old song by XTC called "Generals and Majors."  Here are the lyrics and here is a link to the song itself:

Generals and Majors uh huh
They're never too far
From battlefields so glorious
Out in a world of their own
They'll never come down
Till once again victorious

Generals and Majors always
Seem so unhappy 'less they got a war

Generals and Majors uh huh
Like never before are tired of being actionless.

Calling Generals and Majors everywhere
Calling Generals and Majors :
Your World War III is drawing near
Generals and Majors ah ah
They're never too far
Away from men who made the grade
Out in a world of their own
They'll never come down
Until the battle's lost or made

Generals and Majors ah hah
Like never before, are tired of being in the shade.

So what brings this to mind, you ask?  Just the increasingly silly shenanigans of David "Mac Daddy" Petraeus, former general in the US Army, and former director of the Central Intelligence Agency, that's all. He was chief of intelligence for our country until it came to light that he has not the intelligence to keep his uniform pants zipped up.

This is not a first in military circles, if the stories are to be believed.  Ike "Ike" Eisenhower was rumored to be more than friends with his chauffeur, Kay Summersby, although there are conflicting accounts of just how far they drove in her Jeep, as it were.  And of course the great French General Napoleon was linked for many years to a certain type of pastry.

But those people had the discretion to conduct their invasions in private.  Today, as bombs burst in air over the Gaza Strip, America turns to its military and intelligence community, only to find that this dude Petraeus, married to a lady named Holly, had been doing the hibbidy-dibbidy with one Paula Poundstone
Broadwell, who then became jealous because he was also "talking with" Jill Kelley, a "socialite" from Tampa who enjoyed hanging around with military people and wangled herself a position as honorary consul to South Korea so she could run around with diplomat license tags and demand immunity from the press.  Ask any middle school student if any of this sounds familiar.

Petraeus and Kelley
Petraeus, who really earns enough money to stop getting his hair cut at the Army's version of barber college, insisted on the following measures during his brief time at the top of the CIA:  fresh pineapple (not canned!) every night at bedtime, fresh sliced banana for his cereal every morning, someone to accompany him on his morning jog so that he can avoid having to stop for traffic, and of course, he will not open doors for himself, so wherever he went, someone had to walk a few paces ahead of him to hold the door for him.

Fresh pineapple each night before he goes to bed (not canned)

Read more:
Fresh pineapple each night before he goes to bed (not canned)

Read more:
Let me know when this gets stupid enough, all this foolishness.  Not yet?  OK.  Some wacky shock DJ from Florida known as Bubba The Love Sponge threatened to deep-fry a copy of the Qur'an, until Kelley called the mayor of Tampa and told him that Generals Petraeus and Allen had asked her to step in and put an end to the nonsense.

Welcome to the new way of warfare, where, instead of focusing on the tasks at hand, the people in charge have their top brass flying pineapples from Hawaii to Iran while the boss calls some woman in Florida to discuss what some guy on the radio said that morning.   And then everyone has sex, and maybe, if there's time, the wars get fought.

No wonder they never end!  Mac Daddy make you JUMP! JUMP!

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