Package Deal

I have long had a suspicion that the same guy who invented the sticker that they stick on fruit that you have to get a putty knife to scrape off your fruit, is also the guy who invented the packaging for CDs that you need burglary tools to open, and also that he had a hand in the creation of those clamshell packages that they put electronic stuff in. So, you get home from the PriceSoLow and you want to try out your new headset or mp3 player or DVD rewinder (great gag gift!) and you need to go down to the basement to get the chisels to get into the clamshell. Perhaps an oyster knife would help...and a little cocktail sauce.

They do sell heavy-duty scissors with spring-loaded action to cut through those packages, but the scissors themselves are packed in those packages, so you're SOL (short on luck) again. Kind of like when I need to adjust the tiny screw in the hinge of my reading glasses, but when I take the glasses off to tighten the screw, I can't see what I'm doing. So my hinge is kind of loose, as you have suspected all along.

BUT NOW! that guy has topped himself. This is his latest creation: the package of shredded cheese in a ziploc baggie. First, though, one rips off the top, and then you might as well get a seat and wait it out while your thumbs seek purchase on the slippery plastic bag and try to wedge the bag open. If you live near a fire house, run down there and ask if they could open it for you with the Jaws Of Life. And come right back so we can sprinkle some cheddar on our grits. Ummmm ummmmmmm!