Friday, September 25, 2009

News for Parents

As someone who now commutes in that fun-packed 7AM - 7:30 AM time slot, I feel it incumbent upon me to point out two things that parents of school-age children ought to hear. This is all based on my observations of the younger generation as they pile onto school buses with the same alacrity displayed by arriving prisoners in "The Shawshank Redemption."

First of all, what with the ongoing debate about the physical fitness of tomorrow's leaders today, how about we tell the school bus NOT to stop every ten feet so that little Brattleboro can saunter out of bed and into the yellow/orange tube right in front of his house. I'm pretty sure that walking to the next block wouldn't kill any of them, and plus it would give the girls a chance to apply some more of the cosmetics they are forbidden at home and give the boys a chance to tell more Johnny Efferfaster jokes to a much wider audience.

And, this just in: toxicology reports confirm the hunch I had before. A little bit of rain will NOT scald, disfigure, disembowel, skin, or libidinously excite your child (14-year-males are the exemption there, since things as seemingly non-sensual as the sound of rustling leaves arouse them). So, it really is ok for Brattleboro and Ursula to be outside while clear liquid falls from the sky. They will not die. Repeat, they will not die. Plus, all these kids waiting in cars until the bus pulls up and then doing the slooooooow saunter over to the vehicle holds the driver up, and he's got places to go, man!

I've got to get there...did you see the price of gas?

Snow, we'll talk about soon enough.

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