Regular, like clockwork

My birthday is in June, and we're months away from Christmas, but TV's entire Palin Family is just a gift that I get to open every day.



In case you don't remember the matriarch, Sarah Clampett Palin, why she was the g-droppin', nasal-talkin', ill-read, poorly-spoken, ridiculously unqualified candidate on the Republic ticket last fall. At the time, superannuated running mate John McCain stated that she was thoroughly qualified to run the country should ill health or another juicy divorce hamper his inability to run the nation, in the event of his election, which did not happen. Another thing that did not happen was Her Honor getting the Neazod** from the Reazod** as a viable candidate. Last week, old McCain was asked if he would support his erstwhile veep candidate, should she run for president under her own power.


"I'd have to consider all the candidates," rang his ringing non-endorsement.

Then there's all this unpleasantness about that oldest Palin girl, new mama Bristol Connecticut Palin, mother of the sonny jim sired by Levi Johnston, who would be far better off if he could keep his Levi's on. Just when you thought those two crazy kids were gonna work it all out, they broke up! Who'da thunk it? And Levi, gallant to the end, is saying that Mama knew all about the whole lotta shakin' goin' on with him and Bristol, shaking which produced young Tripp.




"Did not!" came the icy reply from the governor's office. And then, just when a little silence from her would be so becoming, she adds that Bristol is now going to concentrate on raising the baby and serving as an "advocate for abstinence."




In a recent Fox interview, Bristol Palin told Greta Van Susteren that “everyone should be abstinent but it’s not realistic… [sex] is more and more accepted among kids my age.”



The younger Palin told Van Susteren that it would have been nice if the pregnancy that produced baby Tripp had happened later in her life. “Of course I wish it would happen in like 10 years so I could have a job and education and my own house… But he brings so much joy. I don’t regret it at all.”





Certainly, one of the most clearly-stated positions in favor of abstinence that I can recall. But that's the great thing about the R's. It's either this, or forget it.





But here comes dessert! Sarah's sister-in-law, one Diana Palin, was arrested on Thursday for allegedly burglarizing a house. Not once, but twice in a matter of days. And because, just like you see on COPS, these people drag their children into all their misadventures, she reportedly brought her 4-year-old daughter along for the heists, according to the Anchorage Daily News.



The paper reported that Diana Palin (half sister to Sarah Palin's husband, Todd) was caught by the homeowner, Theodore Turcott, who was hiding in his bathroom with a gun. He found Palin going straight to a bedroom cabinet where he had kept his cash in the past.



Palin's four-year-old daughter, who had been waiting outside in an aging Camry during the theft, entered the house shortly before police arrived at the scene, according to the prosecutor. The affidavit read that the girl told police she had been to the house days before with her mother. Diana Palin denied this, the Daily News said, and claimed she mistook the house for a friend's place.



Governor Palin and her family have declined to comment on the matter.





Really, now, what more is there to say?
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(**Legendary Baltimore DJ Maurice "Commander Hot Rod" Hulbert used to create new words by inserting an "ee-ahz" in the middle of old ones. To him, I would be Maeeahzark, and his sign of approval - a "nod from the Rod" - was a neazod from the Reazod. Undereahztand? Me neazither!