“You Know You’re From Baltimore when…” pt 2

Here's part 2 of of the list of 45 ways You Know You're From Baltimore!


10. You hate the Yankees, the Steelers, and especially the Colts. The Yankees and the Steelers for dashing so many of our hopes over the years, and the Colts for leaving town in the middle of the night, like a spouse decamping while we slept. Yes, it happened in 1984, and no, I can’t get over it. Yes, we stole the Browns from Cleveland, just like we stole the St. Louis Browns baseball team, which became the Orioles. Here's a hint: if you are into a sports team and you don't want them to leave for Baltimore, don't let them be named "The Browns."

11. The murder rate is higher than the graduation rate. Fortunately, the framers of the Constitution wisely foresaw the turf battles among drug dealers, and so the dealers have formed "well-regulated militias."

12. You can go 1 inch beyond the city line and know that you're out of the city. People who have traveled extensively tell me that there’s no place like this for being in an industrial area one minute and a farm town the next. Our changes tend not to be gradual.

13. You don't wash your clothes, you "warsh" them. In warm or cold wuder.

14. You can pronounce "Havre de Grace." (Not the French way, the Baltimore way.) The locals in this Harford County town save their large fires and insurrections for when a new newscaster comes to town so we can all enjoy hearing them call it “ ’av-ruh de GRAHSS.”

15. You've gotten lost and ended up in the projects. It happened to me when I was yet a bald-faced boy; coming back from a doctor’s appointment downtown, I transferred to the wrong bus, got off at the wrong stop, and was haplessly surveying a blighted landscape when a city patrol car pulled up and one of the beefy cops within said “Son, get in the back seat or you’ll never see Towson again.” I guess my button-down Oxford shirt and crisply-pressed khakis were a giveaway.

16. You know that The Power Plant is not for the production of electricity. My Dad worked there in the 1930’s when it was really a power plant, not an amusement center. I guess the only amusement then was watching people dance the "Big Apple" or the "Lindy Hop." Later, he worked across the street from the City Jail, and his 5th floor office gave him a good view of social interaction among the ne'er-do-wells.

17. You're pissed off that we have to share our only airport with DC (I mean, don't they already have 2?) Couldn’t care less about this; I don’t travel so much, but Baltimore-Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport seems a bit lengthy for a quick stopover.

18. You remember when the Orioles were good. 1997.

Tomorrow!