Lame Duck

Laura Bush avers that throwing shoes at her husband is an assault, but she points out that since he is a natural athlete, he was able to duck the shoes successfully.

"The president laughed it off," she told the Associated Press. "He wasn't hurt. He's very quick. As you know, he's a natural athlete and ducked it. But on the other hand, it is an assault. And I think it should be treated that way. And I think people should think of it that way."

And now we know that George Bush missed his true calling. He certainly could have had a starring spot in the National ShoeDucking League. In fact, most any profession would have been better for him to have undertaken than politics.

On the other hand, she said the incident reflects change in Iraq.

"As bad as the incident is, in my view, it is a sign that Iraqis feel a lot freer to express themselves," she said.

You go over to the region where you and you alone (well, you and Sancho Panza Cheney) are responsible for untold human misery, death and suffering, and people throw shoes at you, and your wife regards all this flying footwear as a sign of improved self-expression among the remaining Iraqis as yet unkilled by you.

How about if we go to a restaurant and order a meal that the waitperson regards as insufficiently nutritious? And how about if the waitron comes out of the kitchen and deliberately begins throwing steaming grits upon us? Would we celebrate his newfound ability to testify for the need for plenty of fibrous greens?

It all reminds me of the opening scene in "Wedding Crashers" in which battling divorce participants Dwight Yoakam and Rebecca De Mornay are hissing back and forth across the settlement table about airline miles, which he earned "flying to Denver to meet his whore," she charges.

"At least she's not afraid to express herself sexually!", he retorts.

In time, maybe Chastity will feel free to toss loafers and TopSiders. I'll bet she is also "very quick."