You Never Know

I have the greatest assistant in the world.


Without going into a lot of details about our work, let's just say that it involves building and facilities maintenance, supplies, shipping, stocking and security.

No one person can reasonably be expected to know everything, but Beth does. She is on top of everything. Nothing surprises her or gets past her. I never hear her say, "Oh I forgot to do something that was due last week..."

Beth is always courteous with people on the phone or in person, she represents our department and bureau flawlessly, and no detail escapes her, so nothing is ever left undone.

When I forget to do something, she invariably reminds me, but in the most kind and gentle way. Instead of saying, "Hey! You forgot to send in the credit card report!" she will say something like "I guess today's a good day to send in that report; do you agree?"

And of course, she labors under the additional handicap of having me one office away, meaning that she is often subjected to my bursts of song snippets (featuring tributes to Mario Lanza and Bob Dylan), lame jokes, arcane pop culture references*, tired limericks, oft-repeated anecdotes, half-witted rejoinders and donkey-like guffaws.

(* My former boss grew up in Philadelphia and his assistant coach in high school football was one Freddie Cocozza, who changed his name and soared to fame as Mario Lanza, the masculine form of his mother's maiden name, Maria Lanza. If Beth has heard this story once, she's heard it a thousand times! Which is how many times she has heard me sing the largo from "The Loveliest Night of the Year"!)

Because she is the way she is, everyone likes her a lot, and because the people we deal with know that she is straightforward, they take her at her word for things, and so she can deal with issues in my absence without a seam.

I could go on all day long about what a great co-worker Beth is, but right now she is in a lot of pain from some sort of back/nerve/leg thing. Such is her dedication that she even came in today to help me make sure the payroll was done right, and that was about all she could take. Her husband came and took her home, and I hope that the doctor she is going to see soon will be able to fix her up good as new.

Now we're going to find out how very true my saying is: "Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the woman who knows what's going on?"

I'll be doing all the 1,001 daily tasks she performs so flawlessly for a while, and that's a good thing, because it reminds me of how many tasks it takes to get our job done right.

Beth, you are the best, and we all miss you. Get well soon, and please come back to us when you can!