My Cheap Fake iPod

I had a real iPod once for a week; got it for Christmas and it wouldn't work for nuthin'. Wouldn't load songs, battery wouldn't take a charge, and so forth. I took it back, exchanged it for a digital camera, and then figured what the heck, who needs an MP3 player.




Well, I do. I re-enrolled at the wellness center of the physical therapy place where they have worked on my achin' knees and back in the past. You might find this hard to believe, unless you know me, but in the past, rather than actually getting on the machines and doing actual exercises, I would tend to entertain the multitudes with my offcolor stories, risque double entendres and salacious poetry.



This time around, I am much more serious about conditioning, so I knew that I needed a blindfold for my ears, if you will. I got a cheapie fake iPod from Walgreens for 20 bucks and then another one from Ollie's for even less (Ollie asked me not to mention the price; he was embarrassed to be selling stuff so cheap.)



I loaded that thang up with my bizarre mix of songs old and new, and now I show up to the clinic twice a week after work, with a very serious-looking gym bag on my shoulder and a grim look of determination in my eyes. I like everyone who works there; they are helpful even beyond the norm. After exchanging brief! pleasantries, I get onto the ellipitical machne, the first of many mechanical sweat-producers to which I shall subject myself. But before I even start, I crank up the tunage, and I was wondering tonight how the people who work there would feel if they had any idea what I was listening to!




I wager that I am the proprietor of the only fakey iPod in the world where one's shuffling ears can hear "Shake Your Money Maker" by George Thorogood right after "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts' by Merv Griffin, and before "Midnight in Moscow" by Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen.


How about a medley of "Pretty Vacant" by the Sex Pistols, "The Loveliest Night of the Year" by Mario Lanza and "Drag 'Em Off the Interstate, Sock It To 'Em J. P Blues by Dick Curless? "Don't Try to Lay No Boogie-Woogie (On the King of Rock 'n' Roll)" by Long John Baldry is always good to hear, and then when Marie Osmond's "Paper Roses" and "Waffle Stomp" by Joe Walsh come roaring on in, that means I dial it up another notch on the Stair-Stepper.


The great thing about paying Ollie $13.99 for an iPod knockoff that works even better than the one someone paid a couple of yards for is all the sweeter when I realize, if I get thrown off the recumbent bike and land on the thing and break it, I'm out $13.99, not two or three hundred.


Did I say "IF" I get tossed off the bike by the sheer impetus of my arduous labor? That's a "WHEN," friend.


Have a great weekend!